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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23571718">Stones To Skip</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintQueenJo/pseuds/MintQueenJo'>MintQueenJo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Divergent - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, One Shot Collection, Oral Sex, Sex, Smut, Underage Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:29:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>31,354</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23571718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintQueenJo/pseuds/MintQueenJo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One shots dedicated to Skipping Stones</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Four | Tobias Eaton/Tris Prior</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. My Baby Shot Me Down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I take the tray out of Tris' hands and carefully set it on one of the bowls. I decided that if I made dessert I could show of just a little bit. I had such high hopes for today being a good day, two years ago I met Tris and I knew that either way whether it was friendship or more she had to be a permanent spot in my life.</p><p>Needless to say today was going good, until I had went home to grab dessert and found a letter from my father. I see my hands shake and I ball them into fists and stand up to look at Natalie.</p><p>"Do you need any help?" Please say yes, please. I need something to do. Something to give my mind to focus on, other than that letter.</p><p>"No thank you dear. I have it." She shakes her head and I jam my hands into my pockets.</p><p>"If you do," I look at the door. "I'll be outside then." I leave through the living room. I need out.</p><p>Out.</p><p>Out.</p><p>Out.</p><p>I place my hand on Daniel's head, a very good and bright kid. If I wanted a sibling it would be him. "You look good Mrs. Abilene." I smile kissing her cheek. Her hand pushes at my face and I stand up turning to face Andrew.</p><p>"Hello, son." My heart thuds. Son. He pats my back.</p><p>I need out.</p><p>Soon.</p><p>I walk out the back door, I feel like I can't breathe. Son. I lean against the tree in the Prior yard and my hands fumble for a cigarette.</p><p>It makes the third letter I have received recently, one from him, one from my mother, and the third. It was a letter from Zoe.</p><p>"I wish you wouldn't" I almost jump I didn't know Tris was here, I'm usually so aware of her presence. How long has she been there?</p><p>I close my eyes. "Wouldn't." Wouldn't what? Be here and stressed?</p><p>"Smoke so much." Her hand cards through my hair and I almost groan. "I worry." She would worry, I love that about her. I've never had someone worry about me so much. Other than Hana Pedrad. "Did something happen?" Her voice is quiet and her hand leaves my head, I want it back.</p><p>Did something happen?</p><p>I smile. I can't tell her about this yet. I love her worrying but she doesn't need to worry about this. "No." I put the cigarette back. I wonder if her parents know I smoke? I wonder what they think.</p><p>She leans in, hands on my shoulders. I almost moan when I see her bite her lip, I swear she does it on purpose sometimes, she has to. Her lips meet mine and my hands move to her hips.</p><p>Maybe we could get away with a quickie. It is our two year anniversary.</p><p>But she'll know something is wrong if we jump straight to that, and I have to make her believe nothing is.</p><p>"So, what's for dinner?" I pull her down on my lap and nose at her hair. She says something, I really couldn't care less about dinner. Mrs. Prior's cooking is amazing she could probably convince me to eat mashed potatoes. I kiss Tris' neck.</p><p>I wonder if they'd freak out if I left a mark on her neck before dinner. I nearly was killed trying to get my pants zipped that day on the couch.</p><p>Girls are evil.</p><p>"I love family dinner with you." I hope she doesn't know that I never had this. Family dinner. That dinner was a tense affair. I squeeze her then let her go. I'm not helping myself get in the mood, might as well as not force her into the mood either.</p><p>"My parents love having you over." She smiles, her hair frames her face and I push it behind her ear. She presses forward, grinding herself into me. Fuck. "Hard to believe that two years ago you were just a boy walking next to me with his bike." Her hips still move.</p><p>I don't think she knows that she's doing it.</p><p>"Or that my first dinner with you wasn't awkward." She needs to get up, I smack her ass. She stands up and I get up with her. I take a deep breath, thankful that I'm only half hard. "But it could've been because we weren't into each other like that yet." She wasn't but I think I may have fallen hard, especially since I pissed Eric off so much thinking about her. "Or well I may have been you know attracted to your extreme beauty." I was attracted to that mouth of hers I didn't even know how it'd look around me or feel against my lips, but damn I loved every word that came out.</p><p>She smiles and my hand comes up to tilt her face to me. Have I kissed her lately? I probably should. I don't know about her but I may die if I don't kiss her soon. I let my lips touch her lips. My tongue prods at her teeth. Her tongue barely touches mine before she pulls her face to the side, I move my hand off her backside. When did I even move it down there?</p><p>"Don't worry." She whispers into my ear. "I wanted your dick that night too." Her body presses closer to mine like I like it. Fuck! "And I may want it tonight too."</p><p>I lick my lips. "Don't push me woman. I will take you right here and right now." Right on the grass of her back yard in front of the windows. "Dinner be damned." Everyone in the house be damned. I look at her then take her hand. I lead her inside and head to the kitchen.</p><p>"I can help set the table, Natalie." I smile. I grab plates, the thought of how I know where everything in her house is pretty scary.</p><p>As we're eating Andrew asks me about how I am, I quickly change the topic and ask about how his work is. I find it somewhat interesting. A bit helpful about what's going on in town. I catch little bits of Natalie telling the boys of the story about the old man and the wooden bowl.</p><p>I reach down and tap Tris' knee, her hand in mine is the only thing missing. I arrange our hands and brush my thumb against hers. I can't help smiling at her when we're all done eating. I hope she likes my dessert.</p><p>I announce what I made and leave. I open the fridge and take a deep breath this is my mother's favorite dish, she would make it for me when father wasn't home.</p><p>I sit down once everyone has a plate and Natalie smiles. I explain how my mother's mother had made this for her and my mother for me. I hear Natalie exclaim something in Italian and I smirk.</p><p>I don't think Tris told them that I'm not pure blooded American.</p><p>Andrew asks if the family ever showed Natalie how to make this and she shakes her head and says thank you in Italian. I see her eyes widen and her mouth opens, almost like she's going to explain the Italian to me.</p><p>"No, thank you for letting me be able to do this for you." I tell her in Italian and I see her eyes go wide. She asks if I'm part Italian and I tell her yes. Tris explains to her father that my Grandma was full blood Italian and I take a deep breath.</p><p>I let it out when Natalie asks if I'm three quarters normal American. I poke the gelatin and shake my head, my polish tongue coming easy. I explain that my father was Polish and my hand on my leg tightens, nails biting into my palms. The letter and my heritage making me feel bitter. I'm ruining this I should've said yes, that I was only Italian and American. They're going to hate me. The Polish aren't well liked because of their attitude towards blacks. I tell them what my father would tell me that I'm a mongrel.</p><p>"Those upstairs folks didn't break into your apartment again did they?" Abilene whispers and I shake my head.</p><p>"No, ma'am." I scratch my jaw, the folks upstairs. Mrs. Lewis' husband doesn't like me. Him and his friends broke into my apartment one day while I was gone, thankfully it was a day Tris wasn't talking to me. The broke some records and my TV and fridge. A lot of stuff was thrown about.</p><p>Natalie and Andrew get up Tris kisses my cheek and they leave the room.</p><p>Shit!</p><p>Shit!</p><p>Daniel frowns at me. "Do you think they'd kick us out if we told them that our mother was Polish?" I bite my lip and remember when Charlie had told me that a doctor wouldn't see his mother when she went into labor with their sister. How she died in childbirth because it was at home and how the baby died an hour later. How their father, a mixed man and Abilene's son, had drank himself to death only dying when he got behind the wheel and drove into the river.</p><p>"No." I shake my head. "I don't think they'd do that. They might not want me seeing their daughter anymore though. And that might mean I won't be seeing you a lot."</p><p>Charlie frowns. "But why? They're so nice."</p><p>"Because I'm Polish, and being Polish like me and how I grew up makes me dangerous." My stomach squeezes at my plate. I can't finish my dessert. What use to cheer me up now may only break my heart.</p><p>When they walk back into the dining room Tris doesn't look at me, my heart thuds. Andrew clears his throat.</p><p>"Well Tobias, are we going to learn why your nickname was Four?"</p><p>I want to smile and laugh and tell them because that was the age I killed a man. But I feel like that wouldn't be a joke to them. Natalie helps Abilene, but she looks at me every so often, eyes sad. A motherly look.</p><p>"To be honest I don't even know why my friends started calling me that either. I just shrugged and went with it." Fat lie, I do know what it is for. "I do need to head home. I got a letter today from friend who," I poke my food once, what can I say? I decide to lie about all three letters that I need to read. "His mother and father are going through a divorce and he doesn't want to be there for any of that so he probably sent me an update. Poor kid. Only fifteen."</p><p>I say my goodbyes and tell them they can keep the rest of the Panna Cotta until it's gone, or bad before leaving. I leave the truck for Tris, and head home on foot. I pass the flower shop and back step I smile and go in.</p><p>"Hello, Tobias!" Christina's mother smiles at me from the back row of flowers.</p><p>"Hello."</p><p>"What can I do for you today?" She wipes her hands on her apron.</p><p>"Got a flower that says 'I'll still love you even though I may have fucked up beyond all hope." I scratch the back of my head and look away.</p><p>"What did you do to that girl now?" She frowns.</p><p>I close my eyes. "Why can't I be the one that fucks me over?" I say in Polish. Christina's mother's eyes widen and her mouth opens in a little o. "Tris knew for a while that my mother was half Italian and my father was full blooded polish. Well it came up during dinner and now Tris won't look at me. I'm sure Andrew and Natalie hate me. I don't hate blacks! I'm not like that! I'm not going to lie and say I don't see color because I do. I mean as a person who's not American and has to deal with discrimination you can't ignore what makes someone else be discriminated against." I start to pace. "Fuck! I love her and now something like this I mean I won't force her to sneak off to see me she deserves more than a back road romance. I mean she's only in high school, Tris has college and she could meet someone there and I'm just the small town fling." I cover my face, knowing that tears are leaving my eyes. I am that back town fling. She'll move and find someone else, and I don't know why that hurts so much.</p><p>Isn't that why I've been trying to have her break up with me so many times before? When I cut back on the touches, the kisses, when I repeatedly ask her to marry me knowing that she will always say no. Love is foolish, and I'm stuck in the middle like a complete ass.</p><p>I feel hands on me and Christina's mother is rocking me. "Now I don't know where all this is coming from but you are one of the best things to happen to that girl. Her eyes have life in them and she smiles more, a genuine smile not one put there to be polite."</p><p>I shake my head. She can have that with anyone.</p><p>"You listen here! I know how she was before you, you don't and that girl has changed. She talks more, she gets out more, for the first time I'm sure that Natalie wouldn't care if you kicked down her front door and took all Andrew's grandma's china as long as you continued to make Beatrice smile. They're probably worried about what you might do while in Chicago with your background. Now as for a flower Hibiscus means you are consumed with love I can give you that."</p><p>I stand up and run a hand down my face. I'm not going to lie for a minute it actually felt nice to cry and be held. Something my mother used to do. She hands me a plant and I try to pay for it and she won't take my money.</p><p>"That's for free, how about a bribe to be Will's best man." She smiles and scrunch my nose.</p><p>"Will there be cake? Like chocolate cake?"</p><p>"Yes I'll make a small chocolate cake for you." She crosses her arms and I nod.</p><p>"Deal." I head home and set the plant on my coffee table. I cut a flower off and put it in a box. If Tris really likes it I'll giver her the plant, but I'm really liking it on my coffee table.</p><p>I write a note and watch the clock, I'll talk to her. I won't ask what her parents said because if it's important she'll tell me.</p><p>I startle awake and curse it's a quarter past one in the morning. I grab the letter for Tris and slip out the door. It's cold for a March night, that's how I find my teeth chattering as I tap on Tris' window. At first I think she may be asleep but I notice that she's not in her sleeping position then I see her eyes flick towards the window before rolling over and pressing her face into her pillow. I continue to tap, maybe she thinks it's just a noise?</p><p>After a few minutes I give up and climb down. I walk around the house, for a moment I think I see her walking through the living room. She's coming to meet me outside. I give a small smile. I stand on the porch when my heart stops.</p><p>She's not coming outside.</p><p>We're done and she doesn't know how to tell me.</p><p>I turn from the door and walk down the steps. I guess it's better now then never right? Two years was good. Two years was great!</p><p>To me at least.</p><p>I use the pen in my pocket to scratch out my message and put a small apology. Because I am, I'm sorry that I wasted her evening and maybe Christina's mother was wrong about Tris. I close my eyes. Not Tris, Beatrice. Ms. Prior. She was wrong about Ms. Prior.</p><p>I walk down the street before turning into a light jog, I'm running by the time I get on my street, I run past my building and next thing I know I'm outside the motel. Rebecca likes to stay here now.</p><p>I knock on the door and she answers.</p><p>"Jesus Christ! Tobias it's almost three!" She glares at me and I grab her face and press my lips to hers.</p><p>She pulls away and gives me a look. "What?" I step inside and she shuts the door.</p><p>"What's going on with you?"</p><p>I fall down on the bed. I tell her what happened since dinner and she straddles my lap. "And you want to lose yourself in me? Now you see why I used to do that? It's so easy to lose yourself in sex isn't it?"</p><p>I tilt my head back and she kisses my chin, my neck. I let her take my hand and place it on her breast. I can do this. I lean forward and kiss her.</p><p>It's later that I almost cry, almost cry at how different she is with me. How we're not made for each other, her hips rut against mine on the bed, my hand cups her face. Our lips never part. This isn't love, this is mindless sex. I pull away.</p><p>"I can't." I sit up and button my pants. I take a deep breath, I'm so in love with Tris I can't do this. Even when it got down to us dry humping. I sit back against the headboard. Rebecca dresses and lies down.</p><p>She falls asleep before I do and I realise I can't go back home and sleep in that bed that I've had Beatrice in. Rebecca stretches in her sleep and I climb out of bed. I sleep on the couch that's a few feet from the bed. A pillow hits me and I sit up.</p><p>"It's almost one, you should head home. Change at least. Go eat." Rebecca is dressed. "I have to head out. If you do see Beatrice and she doesn't want to talk to you still, don't go after her, Tobias. I would say if she does, for some reason, talk to you and everything goes back to "normal" then don't hang around because that's not normal to ignore someone then go on like it was no big fucking problem." She waves as I leave.</p><p>When I head back to my apartment, Charlie is sitting in front of my door.</p><p>"There you are! Stephanie said these were for you!" Daniel pulls away from the wall, a flower pot in his hands. A Yellow Tulip, Charlie is holding a white flower. I unlock my door and they walk in setting them on my counter before hugging me and leaving. I shower standing with my head under the spray I end up sitting in the tub, head against my knees. Flowers?</p><p>When I climb out and get dressed I head into the kitchen. I look at the note that Daniel set next to the pots. I open it and sit on the couch.</p><p>Tobias,</p><p>Beatrice came by this morning and explained her side of what happened. All I can say is that you two need to talk she however did ask about flowers so I told her to give you these, well by give I mean I told her what they meant and had Daniel and Charlie deliver them. Yellow Tulips are a symbol of being hopelessly in love which both of you are, just like every young couple but unlike all young couples this is where the white Chrysanthemums come in. You both are loyally in love, you'd never stray for other's company or you couldn't be unloyal and cheat. You also lack this quality but hopefully after today you will have gained it, truthfulness!</p><p>-Stephanie.</p><p>I press my hand against my mouth and close my eyes. I grab my keys and head out. I pull up to the school and cut the engine, it should be Tris' last class. I put the kickstand down and climb off the bike. I hear the bell ring and I light a cigarette. I watch kids run out the door, I get a few looks from girls passing by. Maybe I should have put an actual shirt instead of the sleeveless on.</p><p>I see Will and Christina exit out the door, holding hands. I almost yell when I notice three girls stop in between them and me. They look at me, eyes wide and I raise an eyebrow. I see Tris join Christina and Will, she's not wearing a jacket. Her tattoo is on display. I pull the cigarette out and blow smoke. The three girls start pushing each other. They're acting just like some of Lauren's friends did around me.</p><p>Soon Will leads Christina and Tris over to the girls. Tris wrinkles her nose and rolls her eyes. One girl unbuttons her blouse some and I stand up straighter, this has just gotten interesting. She fluffs her hair back and walks towards me swaying her hips. I put the cigarette back between my lips and I know that a smile is on my face when Tris' head turns and her mouth opens in a somewhat angry gesture, I see her mouth 'fucking bastard.' and I give the girl in front of me my full attention.</p><p>"Hi I'm Debbie," she looks at me through half lidded eyes. Her kind of girl always did scare me so straight forward, the kind that would eat you alive. The type I'd stare at with Zeke before I met Tris. I shake her hand. Best to not say anything to her. I raise an eyebrow and look at her friends, winking.</p><p>Why not. I know that if today works out Tris is going to be in my bed and it's her that I'm still going to love five minutes from now.</p><p>"So what are you doing here? You're not a student here, seem to old to be here." She twirls her hair and I pull the cigarette out and blow. I laugh on the inside, I wonder how ridiculous I look.</p><p>A teacher comes over, face red. He glares at me. "Are you smoking?"</p><p>"Well I'm not sure, Debbie am I on fire?" I can't help but say. The man gets redder and points at me.</p><p>"You're not a student here, I can have you removed and banned!" Can he get any redder? I put the cigarette back between my lips. "You can't have that here! Mrs. Lindon tell your friend to get rid of that!"</p><p>The girl giggles and steps closer. "Yes, Sir. I think you should get rid of that, Before he has a bitch fit." I blow out smoke and the man scowls, I laugh. I'm usually not this disrespectful towards adults but something about him makes me not like him.</p><p>"I think you should get rid of that also." I turn my head and Tris is standing next to the man, arms crossed. She has a small frown on her face, her eyes flick towards the girl in front of me and I drop the cigarette and step on it. Debbie's mouth drops.</p><p>I get on my bike and look at Tris. "You coming over or should I drop you off at home?" I know I should just ask her to talk to me but I'm going to leave it up to her.</p><p>"I'm coming over. Bye Will! Bye Christina!" She yells and waves and my face breaks out into a smile.</p><p>"Bye ladies." I say to the girls and then scoot forward for Tris."Ready to go, babe?" I turn my head, searching. Her lips touch mine. I kick the kickstand up and start the engine. Her arms wrap around my waist and I wave to Christina and Will before driving off. I pull up beside the building, parking my bike in the back where I normally park it. Away from the bastards upstairs. We walk the half block to the building, we're at the side where there aren't any windows when Tris grabs my arm and I turn. She looks at me.</p><p>"I-" I don't get far before her lips crash into mine.</p><p>"Your apartment. Now." She growls at me and I pick her up, swinging her over my shoulder like a sack of flour. My hands decide to fail me when I put the key in the door. She laughs and I curse. I lean over and bite her thigh softly that gets me a smack on my ass.</p><p>I get the door open and I'm removing her shoes as she drops her bag. I step out of my shoes as we enter the bedroom. I feel her teeth work the skin of my shoulder and I groan.</p><p>"Babe. Babe!" I tangle a hand in her hair. "My love, stop. I kinda want to last."</p><p>"No, need you. Want you. Now!"</p><p>I throw her on the bed and she bounces, laughing. I reach behind me and pull my shirt off. Her hands reach up and pull her shirt off so she sits in her bra. I kneel on the bed leaning over to kiss her.</p><p>One of her hands rubs my chest and trails down my stomach, a finger hooks into the waistband before undoing the button. I feel myself get harder. She whimpers and pulls her hand away as I pull down her pants. I stare at her and she reaches down to rub a hand down her mound through her panties. Her teeth catch her bottom lip and I swear my eyes roll back in my head.</p><p>She's going to kill me one day. I tell her as much and she laughs.</p><p>"Come on, Tobias." She breathes against my neck.</p><p>I get up to get rid of my jeans and boxers then I straighten. "Fuck hold on!" I walk into the living room to grab the box of condoms where we left them a few days ago. I grab one and walk back into the bedroom and nearly swallow my tongue. She's sitting with her back flush against the bed and her thighs resting against her spread. Her calves are in the air, feet pointing up toes curled. Her fingers are working against her clit before sliding down to sink into her. The one hand that isn't in her is slapping at the bed.</p><p>"Come on! Come on!" She yells at me. Eyes wide, pleading. "Come here! Please!"</p><p>I lean against the door. "I kinda like this show."</p><p>She frowns and pulls out her fingers just to push four back in. "Fine then I will come and then raid your fridge while you go take a cold shower."</p><p>"Jesus!" I almost trip trying to get to her and the bed. I climb between her thighs and watch her hand for a few seconds before she stops, sits up and I find myself on my back. She tears open the condom and grabs my dick. Her hand moves on my dick for a few strokes, thumb sliding through the bead of liquid at the top. She rolls the condom on and then straddles me.</p><p>"Do you think Debbie thought of doing this?" She looks at me, smile on her face.</p><p>"Who?" I stare at her, her face, where I'm almost in her. Tris sinks down a little so the tip of me is inside her and I moan. "Seriously, Tris who? I don't know! I don't care, please baby!"</p><p>Fuck she'll kill me one day.</p><p>She sinks onto me, and the gasps when my hips jump. I don't think she gives herself time to adjust before she rises on her knees and sinks back down. "Fuck!" My hands go for her hips, I think I squeeze too hard. What did she tell me a few months ago? Something about me being a rough lover.</p><p>My hips move with hers and she throws her head back moans bouncing off the walls. I hear stomping from upstairs and Tris stops.</p><p>"Did she just stomp?" Tris looks at me, hair sticking to her damp forehead.</p><p>"Mrs. Lewis doesn't like you over here much." I smirk. "Up." I smack her bare ass.</p><p>"What?" Tris looks hurt.</p><p>"Up." She gets up and I do too before pushing her back on the bed. I crawl between her legs, her calves rest on my shoulders as I push back into her. "Be as fucking loud as you want, my love."</p><p>She giggles that changes to moans as I thrust against her. One hand grips her thigh that's resting along my bicep the other braces my weight on the bed. I kiss her lips before ducking my head to suck at her nipples. The noises out of her mouth get louder as my hips pick up speed. By now Mrs. Lewis is yelling, I laugh before burying my face in Tris' neck when she tightens around me.</p><p>"Tobias!" One of her hands pats my head. "I'm gonna."</p><p>"Then do it." I suck at her neck, under her jaw. "Just do it. I got you."</p><p>Her body squeezes and she tips her head back a cry tearing itself from her throat as she comes. I follow close behind, I'm sure I sound like some miserable animal when I come. I rest against her and then kiss along her tattoo.</p><p>"So everyone saw it." I pant then roll off of her she cuddles up next to me and I pull the sheet over us. She kisses my sweat soaked chest humming. Her hand reaches down to run a finger up and down my length, that decides to give a poor excuse for a twitch before she peels the condom off, and I kiss her head.</p><p>"Yeah." She kisses my lips, her tongue finding mine. We do that for a while before she pulls away. "Three different boys asked me to prom."</p><p>"Oh, did they?" I raise an eyebrow. "Maybe I should piss on everything they love."</p><p>She laughs, "I told them I was already going with someone."</p><p>"Lucky someone." I smile. "That is a really good tattoo." I run my fingers down the side of her breast. "I think I may take you at prom over a table now."</p><p>"Well Mr. Richards, the teacher who was yelling at you worries that you're forcing me into something because I have this. Then told me no man would want me because of something so unsavory on my body." I raise and eyebrow and sit up. "Told me it was ruining my beautiful body." She looks at me, her grey blue eyes flashing with anger.</p><p>"I kill him first when I take over this fucking town." I lean down and kiss her. "You can be my right hand woman and we'll make an example of him together. We could runaway."</p><p>"Do what for a living?" She smiles."</p><p>"Rob banks." I kiss her then pull back. "you were five and I was six we rode on horses made of sticks. I wore black you wore white, you would always win the fight. Bang bang you shot me down bang bang I hit the ground, bang bang that awful sound, bang bang my baby shot me down. Seasons came and changed the time I grew up I called you mine. You would always laugh and say remember when we used to play." I sing to her. My hands pushing hers to the bed. I'm hard already and her legs part so I can slide into her.</p><p>"Bang bang you shot me down, bang bang I hit the ground. Bang bang that awful sound, bang bang my baby shot me down. Music played and people sang, just for me the church bells rang. After echoes from a gun, we both vowed that we'd be one. Now you're gone I don't know why, sometimes I cry. You didn't say goodbye, you didn't take the time to lie. Bang bang you shot me down, bang bang I hit the ground. Bang bang that awful sound, bang bang my baby shot me down." I finish and her arms wrap around me. My hips move slowly against hers.</p><p>When we're done, I look at her. "Do you want a wash cloth?"</p><p>"No thank you. I kinda like just laying here." She smiles.</p><p>"With my come between your thighs?" I roll on to my side.</p><p>"Rather have it between mine than someone else's." She pokes my nose.</p><p>Her eyes are sleepy, there are bruises on her neck and chest just how she likes. I sigh and hum the tune from the song I sung her earlier.</p><p>"We could be like Bonnie and Clyde." She giggles. "But no really dangerous stuff okay? Maybe raise a small family. Own a dog?"</p><p>"Okay." I kiss her cheek and she kisses me.</p><p>"Maybe a cat too."</p><p>"You have this all planned out, tell me how many kids are we having?"</p><p>"At least two, maybe three? Four, five, six. Seven." She starts counting on her fingers.</p><p>"That many? Why?"</p><p>"Well when we're married that means no condoms and no birth control and I really don't expect me not to get pregnant a lot. Especially with how good you are." She stretches and I watch how her chest pushes out.</p><p>"We're like those kids that just discovered sex." I groan. "I like it." I smile and kiss her.</p><p>"You know that new cashier they got to take Stephanie's place?"</p><p>"Yeah." I thumb her nipple and lean down.</p><p>"He's a dick."</p><p>"I could tell that he was a dick." I kiss her tattoo and squeeze her waist with my other hand. God how I love this girl.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Can't Help Falling In Love With You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I don't think she'd be here." The young man next to me says and I glare at him from the corner of my eye.</p><p>"Shut up, Eric."</p><p>"Easy there, Four. Was just saying that why would she want to be here in." He looks around bored expression on his face. "Where are we?" He asks a woman next to us.</p><p>She looks at us, incredulously. "Rockford."</p><p>"Thank you." Eric smiles then looks at me. "Rockford, Four! We're in fucking Rockford. Why would she be in Rockford!"</p><p>I shake my head, my mother is here I know she is.</p><p>Eric walks backwards, sour look on his face. A group of kids no younger than us turn the corner and he knocks into them. Knocking a small blonde and a black girl into a burly boy.</p><p>"You okay, Beatrice?" He whispers touching her arm. I roll my eyes and turn the corner after Eric who didn't so much as pause.</p><p>"I mean really? Rockford."</p><p>"I fucking heard you the first time, Eric!" I shout then bite my lips together when people look at us.</p><p>"It's just a little creepy how obsessed you are with this man. Maybe we should go by Thomas' in that apartment building. Ask him he worked at the hospital didn't he?"</p><p>I'm standing in the hallway outside that fucker's apartment door.</p><p>"He hasn't been home in a while." A little boy sits outside his next to Thomas' door. "Hi I'm Charlie."</p><p>I ignore the kid and kick the door. Eric had stayed at the bottom. I don't look at the kid and descend the steps shaking my head. Eric rolls his eyes.</p><p>"Well I wonder who we ask now." We head back into town. "You know Four there is this magical thing called a car. You know the bikes we left at the diner?"</p><p>I pause and Eric turns. There's a boy not far from us being slammed into a wall by two bigger boys that look about my age.</p><p>I start to walk past them when I hear."Stupid nigger!"</p><p>I stop again and turn. One of the older kids punches him. I grab the kid's arm and throw him into the opposite wall. My vision is blurred around the edges. I stand over the young boy. "Go." I growl at the young men.</p><p>"I'd do as he says. He's killed a man before." Eric nods from my side. One of them scoffs and I hit him so hard his head bounces off the wall. They run and I turn and look at the boy.</p><p>"What are you doing, get!"</p><p>"Thank you." He says then looks at Eric. "Name's Daniel." He bends over and picks up a book. I notice a five dollar bill on the ground and a drug store paper bag I raise an eyebrow. He grabs both. "Thank you."</p><p>Eric snorts. "Such a hero."</p><p>We're back at the diner sitting at the table and I finally give up with Eric's staring. "What?"</p><p>"I know what your problem is. You need to get laid. If Zeke was here he'd say the same thing." Eric takes a drink of his soda. Then nods at two girls who are throwing glances at our bikes. They're shapely, the girls I like to stare at and I raise an eyebrow.</p><p>"I have to find my mother."</p><p>"Okay and you're going to realise that you let earth's fine pleasures pass you by trying to find her, Four." Eric sits back, and we watch the girls move on, skirts blowing out behind them. We pay and leave. "Everyone's at the lake we better go catch them before they head back if we're staying here for a night."</p><p>We pass a baby blue car and I throw Eric a look. It's a nice car. Eric is off his bike and walking towards the group I see three girls, probably from town, talking to Max and Gabe.</p><p>I hear Eric whistle and nudge Max. I'm close enough I can hear Lauren speak.</p><p>"Where's Four?" I groan internally and slide my sunglasses into place.</p><p>"Why do you wanna know where I am all the time, Lauren. Do you miss me or something?" I walk past Max's car. I know I'm going to have to avoid her that's the look of I have a friend you must meet.</p><p>"Hey Four!" I look up at Eric. "Max got himself some jail bait!" Eric smiles, eyebrows raised.</p><p>My eyes pass over the girls. There's one that's curvy and tall, blonde, out of place. One that's dark skinned, she's smiling like she belongs. Probably does and the third, short and pale, pale blonde. Not curvy. None of them are Max's type.</p><p>"Are you jealous, Eric?" I let my American accent drop for the Polish one and putting the Italian on halfway through then back to the American one so fast that no one could tell. Gabe laughs and wraps an arm around the blonde that bites her lip. Says something about older women and I want to laugh, Max's type isn't even older women. Eric stares at the other blonde then smiles at me.</p><p>No.</p><p>The dark skinned girl pulls them forwards before leaning against the car and continues talking for some reason I find myself watching the blonde, not the curvy one. I stand next to her and Gabe hands out bottles of root beer and I see her stiffen.</p><p>"Relax, it's just soda." I find myself comforting her.</p><p>Shauna asks them about school and I find myself curious, the dark skinned girl looks the type to skip, not the other two.</p><p>"Someone set the girl's locker room on fire. The whole gym and three science labs went up!" The dark skinned girl nods.</p><p>"No shit?" Eric raises an eyebrow and throws a glance at me and I shake my head. I'm not playing detective.</p><p>The group chuckles and I blink. Max is talking about school.</p><p>School. I take a sip of my drink.</p><p>Great.</p><p>"Four and I, we dropped out. Not much use for school." That mother fucker! I glare at him and he chuckles. Full well knowing that he made me sound like I was stupid. Mrs. Paszek and her husband home schooled me the best they could.</p><p>"Money?" I hear the blonde that I'm not standing next to ask.</p><p>Max's shop is a sore spot right now. Bunch of white folks think he can't run a business because he's black. Little do they know that he can run that business and theirs better than anyone. Shouldn't have sold him the building if then.</p><p>I wonder how well these girls would react if I told them Max ran a bakery.</p><p>"Do you have a copy of the contract?" The girl next to me asks and then gets a look in her eyes, much like the one someone gets when a plan is forming in their head on instinct.</p><p>"Well of course!" Max says annoyed, he would be it's a question so many ask then assume he doesn't because of his skin. "I'm black not stupid."</p><p>The looks like she was slapped. "I-" She furrows her brow. "I.."</p><p>"She didn't mean that." Her dark skinned friend says. "At least I think. Did ya?" She smirks.</p><p>My stomach drops. That's gotta hurt when a friend doesn't know if you meant something that way.</p><p>The girl blushes and takes a step back. "come on, Susan." She looks at the other blonde. "Just for your information, my father specializes in this stuff all the time. I was asking to make it easier on you when I talk to him about it. I was trying to help. Now let's go, Susan. Are you coming, Christina?" she starts walking but neither Susan nor Christina follow her and she turns. "Never mind stay as long as you like, both of you." She turns around and walks off towards their car some ways off. She grabs something then starts walking towards the road to town.</p><p>"Should we go after her?" Gabe looks at the girls and Susan looks after her friend.</p><p>"Beatrice will be back." Christina frowns, though her eyes keep flicking over to where her friend is walking soon she gets far enough away and turns towards the main road.</p><p>"I don't think she is." Lauren nods her head. "Well, Max. There goes one of your jail bait girls."</p><p>"Caleb's going to be mad when she gets home and tells him we let her walk." Susan shifts from foot to foot.</p><p>"Then you can go after her, Beatrice Prior doesn't own your life Susan. You don't have to be nice to her-"</p><p>"But I do. Caleb doesn't like anyone who's mean to his sister." I raise both my eyebrows. Ouch.</p><p>"To be honest Susan if Caleb is anything like his sister, he wouldn't know when someone was into him even if they walked him to school everyday."</p><p>Double ouch. I back away and get on my bike. I have to make sure she gets home, or at least into town, safely. I see Eric throw a look at me and I know he's thinking something.</p><p>I take off down the road and spot her walking, head down. "Hey!" I yell when I pull up beside her. She doesn't turn and for a moment I think she didn't hear me. I cut the engine and place a hand on her arm. "Hey stop."</p><p>She looks at me and I lean against my bike. "You can't walk all that way into town."</p><p>Her eyes are like liquid grey blue fire. "Watch me." She leans towards me hissing, before whipping around and walking off. My heart races. Fuck.</p><p>My jeans tighten and my eyes go wide.</p><p>Fuck!</p><p>I take a deep breath and I think I should go back, but fuck. Fuck that was hot.</p><p>"Shit." I push my bike after her.</p><p>Max didn't mean to offend you. Is what I think of saying as I scratch my head. She stops and glares at me.</p><p>"OFFEND ME?! OFFEND ME!" She says louder. Damn I said that out loud. She throws her arm out. "He didn't OFFEND ME! My so called friends are what hurt me the most! Christina knows for a fact that I didn't mean that his skin colour made him stupid! I didn't assume he was stupid." I open my mouth to tell her that Max just hears so much about it that he didn't expect her to be different. "I bring that girl lunch." She says more to herself her eyes shooting up to the sky then looking back at me. Her shoulders drop and she shakes her head. "I suffer through the cruel pranks my class mates pull because I'm friends with her." I bite the inside of my cheek. "And Al! Poor Albert, he suffers too for being her friend." Christina's comment about her not knowing if someone was in love with her makes me smirk. "My father, he believes that blacks should have the same rights we do! AND I GET RATS IN MY LOCKER!" I almost stumble with my bike. She gets what in her locker? "Dead birds in our mailbox." Her voice breaks and she pushes her hair back.</p><p>I'm angry, she shouldn't go through this.</p><p>"And Susan, I thought she was my friend but now sometimes I think she only friends with me because of my brother."</p><p>So she does know that Susan only likes her because of her brother.</p><p>"Such foolishness love is, isn't it?" Part of her hair blows back in her face and I reach up and tuck it behind her ear, why did I do that?</p><p>She smacks my hand. "There's no time for love during this time."</p><p>"Well, Beatrice." I like her name on my tongue. "You may change your mind one day."</p><p>She rolls her eyes, a small smile on her lips. We walk in silence and I get a thought, an image in my head of her on my bike. I never let people ride on my bike, especially girls.</p><p>"You do know I have means of transportation that can get us into town faster." I smile at her, I want her to wrap her arms around my waist.</p><p>She looks at my bike than me, "no thank you." A blush colours her face.</p><p>"Okay," I smile wider. "So your school caught fire?"</p><p>"Yes." She laughs and I memorize that sound.</p><p>"You don't seem to look upset, though I guess not," I raise an eyebrow. "Especially since you said people were mean to you." I try not to hiss.</p><p>"BEATRICE!"</p><p>We look up and a truck stops in front of us. "Al, Robert?"</p><p>I push my sunglasses up, Al her friend. Who's Robert?</p><p>"Where's Susan?" He asks and Beatrice starts to mumble something and he shakes his head.</p><p>"Save it Beatrice. It's not like you to do something like that." I look at her and she's blushing. So she is miss prim and proper. "Al, you stay here with Beatrice. Caleb?" Al gets out and I think I've seen him before. I look at him and when he looks at her and touches her arm I realise Beatrice is the girl I knocked over earlier this morning.</p><p>"-just I was worried about you too." I realise he was talking and I smirk. He's so in love with her it's pathetic.</p><p>"It's alright, Al." She whispers and looks after the truck. His face falls.</p><p>I cough out a quiet 'foolish' under my breath, Christina was right she doesn't know that the boy is in love with her.</p><p>The boy turns and looks me up and down. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Albert." I consider telling him I don't care. "Who are you?" He sticks his hand out.</p><p>I recognise this guys with girls do this, assert this manly image to make a threat back off. Poor him? More like poor her. I remove my sunglasses to look at him better. I hear Tris take a breath.</p><p>"Four." I take his hand squeezing it, his mouth tightens and I smile.</p><p>"Like the number. Who would name their kid that!"</p><p>He's not too bright I look at Tris. I breathe in through my nose. Tris? She's not mine to give a nickname to. Though if she is miss proper she may get angry and her eyes. I laugh at the thought.</p><p>"It's a nickname. I don't like telling people my real name." I look at her against and she smiling looking at her shoes.</p><p>"-accent?"</p><p>"Oh yes the accent. My parents, well my mother came from an Italian family." That's all I explain to him, I don't want to talk about how she was half Italian and how my father. I clench my fists. Was Polish.</p><p>"Ah, I see. And you were born here?"</p><p>Nosy fucker. "No I was born in," lie. I must lie. "Chicago. I'm just here with a friend." I look at Tris. "Well, Tris it was nice meeting you. You too Albert." I slip my sunglasses on and get on my bike. "Maybe I'll see you around." I need to leave before I decide to tell this girl my story.</p><p>I take off and head back into town, I'm back at the apartments knocking on Thomas' door.</p><p>"He's still not back." The boy is still sitting there and I look at him.</p><p>"Is this something you do all day?"</p><p>He shrugs. "Grams is sick, the door gets stuck. The landlord is old so he can't do much. Thomas helped around here, Mr. Lewis is suppose to help but he doesn't like us because Grams is black but I think it's because our mother." He sits up. "Daniel!"</p><p>"Lock yourself out again?" The boy that was getting beat up earlier looks at me then Charlie. His arms are full of bags.</p><p>"How old are you kids?" I scratch my head.</p><p>"I'm nine, I'll be ten in July. Charlie here is six." The older kid shrugs. He unlocks the door and it doesn't budge. "Not this shit again!"</p><p>"Hey." I raise an eyebrow.</p><p>He looks at the door and whispers. "I can cuss if I want." That's not what makes me freeze. It's the language he used. Polish.</p><p>I get their door lose and help them carry bags inside. The kitchen is a mess and I travel through the house and I see an elderly woman lying on a mattress on the floor, a scrap of a thing far from a blanket. One bedroom. There are blankets on the couch and a blow up mattress on the floor. I look through their cabinets and fridge. Almost everything is expired.</p><p>"Kid what do you do about food?" I look at Daniel and he looks at the fridge.</p><p>"Being a paper boy doesn't get me much. But I can feed him and Grandma and get her medicine. Except for today, I deserved getting beat up. I took a man's money out of his wallet."</p><p>"Stay here." I head downstairs and to the landlord's office.</p><p>"Hello!" He smiles at me, he's a frail man whos head shakes.</p><p>"How much does it cost for rent here?" I cross my arms. "And is there a spot on the second floor? Across from that old woman and the two kids?"</p><p>He chuckles. "You know them?"</p><p>"No but, I think I should be close in case anything happens." I head towards the door and I notice it squeaks. "Got a screwdriver? I can fix this."</p><p>The old man's eyes light up. "If you do maintenance around here I'll give you rent free. How much would you like paid?"</p><p>"Nothing. I have a job in Chicago that I do have to go back sometimes for. I could be gone a week to months. Make a list of things that happen and I will do them when I get back. I'll also be leaving money for those kids."</p><p>"Why are you here?" He looks at me.</p><p>"Peace of mind. Nice town." I smile.</p><p>Through out the week I get my new apartment furnished, I fill my fridge and much to the annoyance of Daniel. His fridge too. I buy a set of tools to use. I have fixed seven doors, thirteen windows, repainted the bottom lobby. Met Mrs. and Mr. Lewis who both dislike me. I used my key to open Thomas' apartment and found him dead.</p><p>"I'll be in town. Maybe won't be back until late." I pat Charlie's head. I realised if I wanted siblings it would be him and Daniel. Their grandmother Abilene smiles at me from the couch, I bought her a bed with proper blankets and made sure that they got a better couch for Daniel and Charlie kept his blow up mattress.</p><p>I made sure that their apartment was better before I furnished mine. I walk through town, I head into the grocery store. The man behind the check out is eying me. I look him up and down and he wrinkles his nose. I watch him interact with a coloured customer and he rings up everything wrong.</p><p>"Hey. I assume you went to school" I stare him down. "I know a five year old would know that total is wrong. You're over by ten dollars." I continue looking through the aisles. I don't even know why I came in here. I turn and here a whispered 'damn!' my eyes shoot up and Tris is on her tiptoes reaching for a can out of her reach. She groans. I walk up to her and reach up grabbing it, my jacket sleeve brushes her arm.</p><p>"Here." I hand it to her.</p><p>"Thank you." She takes it without looking at me.</p><p>"No, problem. Tris." Her head snaps up and I smile at her, a smile spreads across her face.</p><p>"Hey." She says a little shyly.</p><p>I nod and I know there's still a smile on my face.</p><p>"Fancy seeing you here," I raise an eyebrow. Didn't I tell her I'd be seeing her around? She shakes her head, "well I assumed if I haven't seen you by now that you were gone." Her voice gets quiet on the last word. "Remember? You said you were here because of a friend and that you might see me?"</p><p>"You sound a bit disappointed." I smile hopeful that she did. She continues shopping. "Almost like you missed me?"</p><p>"Please I did not." She bites her lip and I let my face become blank. As we turn a corner I hear her whisper, "maybe. A little."</p><p>I want to smile. She looks at me then stops her head tilting up looking at a shelf above her head. I grab what I hope she needs and she smiles taking it, her cheeks pink.</p><p>An elderly woman next to us smiles. "Hello, Beatrice."</p><p>I tilt my head looking at Tris' basket. "Oh dear, is all the chili powder gone?" The elderly woman frowns and I walk over.</p><p>"Here, I got it." I pat her shoulder and grab it off the shelf. I guess this is why short women like tall men. She thanks me and I see her place a hand on her back as she bends for her basket, the hand on her back moves to something on the shelf and I grab both to make it easier for her.</p><p>"How about I help you? Do you mind, Beatrice?" I smile at them both.</p><p>The woman says something and I offer her my arm, I let her lead me to what she needs and I grab it for her. I don't know if Tris follows us.</p><p>"So are you and Beatrice together?"</p><p>"Excuse me, ma'am?" I look at the woman.</p><p>"Are you courting Ms. Prior?" She smiles at Tris who is down the aisle frowning at something before putting it back.</p><p>"No, ma'am. I'm just a friend." I tear my eyes off the blonde.</p><p>"Friends don't look at each other like that. She's a good girl, stubborn, but good. She needs someone who will take care of her when she needs to be taken care of but at the same time let her be strong. No one here can do that." The elderly woman leads me to the counter. "If you do think of courting her. Treat her kindly, she is a good girl." I help her empty her basket and step back.</p><p>Tris comes up behind her and waits, I want to ask if she heard our conversation but then the woman cries and I look at the man behind the register. Then at the amount on the register. The total is enough to buy both the woman and Tris' groceries. My hands ball up.</p><p>I watch as Tris gives the woman her money then sit through the man taunting her. Tris pays for what she can and leaves, I look at the man that was behind her and he looks at me in shock.</p><p>"Can you believe that? He does that a lot, bad for the community."</p><p>"To be honest, I can believe it. Uh, do you mind if I?" I gesture in front of me and the man nods at me.</p><p>"Go ahead."</p><p>I lean across the counter and stare the man behind it down. "Didn't we already have a talk about this earlier?"</p><p>The man smirks at me, "please. They're niggers, they ain't people." I reach forward and grab his shirt and pull him over the counter.</p><p>"You want to run that by me again?" I hiss.</p><p>"I'll have you thrown out." The man says and motions to someone in a corner. A cop comes up to me.</p><p>"What seems to be the problem here?"</p><p>"Ted," the man who let me in front of him looks at the cop and explains what happened. "And this young man I think is angry that his girlfriend was treated so wrong."</p><p>"You're Beatrice's boyfriend?" The cashier, Jack I notice his name tag reads.</p><p>"Is that a problem for you?" I narrow my eyes. "I want her groceries and if you don't mind a newspaper and a pack of Winstons." I let him go and Ted the cop crosses his arms.</p><p>"I don't see a problem with anyone here but you, Jack." He walks off to a back door and Jack glares at me.</p><p>"I'll need ID."</p><p>I lean over the counter. "No you fucking won't. If you know what's good for you you'll hurry." I stare him down as he bags everything and I put the cigarettes in my pocket. I take the bags and head out the door, hopefully Beatrice didn't get to far. I see her down the side walk and I job up to her.</p><p>"Tris! Wait up!" I stop next to her. "You forgot your stuff."</p><p>"I." She bites her lip. "You didn't have to pay for everything!"</p><p>I hand her a bag, her fingers brush mine. I explain to a summary of what happened then she laughs and thanks me.</p><p>"No problem. Can I walk you home?" I'm nervous.</p><p>"Sure." She blushes and looks down.</p><p>We're walking down a street when I see a man struggling to get a new couch of the back of a truck. I hand Tris my bag and go to help him she tells me her house is at the end of the street, there's a group walking towards her. I help the man carry it to his yard where he sets it down.</p><p>He nods at me and I take a step on the sidewalk. I don't know if that was an invite to go to Tris' house or not. I start to turn around when I hear a scream and turn back around, Tris is lying on the ground. Two boys and a girl stand over her, the boy with red hair pulls back his foot and I shout at them. Running to Tris.</p><p>She needs me.</p><p>The girl squeals and jumps back as I reach them, a boy with dark hair looks at me eyes wide. I grab the boy that went to kick Tris by the shirt. I pull my arm back and punch the kid a couple of times, one I hit his face and hear a crack, blood pours out of his broken nose. I push him down the sidewalk and turn the other two are running off.</p><p>I hold out my hand to Tris who doesn't take it, I look over and see Christina and Susan staring at me, Al's eyes are narrowed, the fourth person a blonde looks at me smiling and nodding to herself. Tris takes my hand and I smile helping her up. She won't meet my eyes and I see the state she's in covered in eggs and milk.</p><p>Her lower lip wobbles and I wrap an arm around her.</p><p>"Come on I got you." I pull her close. We walk past a fence and through it, a woman with blonde hair is on the porch poking at a potted plant. I clear my throat and she looks up.</p><p>"Beatrice what's the- oh. Oh my god. Andrew! Come inside honey, come in." The woman runs down the steps and places a hand on her back. I should let go but I feel like if I do that will be the end of the day, I need to make sure she's okay.</p><p>A man pulls out a chair for her his hair is dark and I realise they share the same eyes. As her mother runs a rag through her hair I explain what I saw, my hand stings. I ignore it, my eyes rarely leave Tris. Her face is red and I know she's angry. I cross my arms, hands holding my biceps when I'm done.</p><p>"Your knuckles seem cut there, son." Her father raises an eyebrow.</p><p>"I may have punched one of the boys." I remember his nose crunching under my fist. "Sir."</p><p>"Oh," he nods and looks at his wife. They don't seem angry with me. Tris gets up and walks out of the kitchen. I straighten up, suddenly nervous.</p><p>Tris' mother smiles at me then gasps. "Your hand!" She furrows her brow and takes my hand. "I'm sure Beatrice has something in her bathroom for your hand. Go through the living room here and there'll be a hallway to your right with stairs. Beatrice's room is the first one."</p><p>I remove my shoes and place them by the front door. I walk through the living room taking in the open space in. I find a door to the back yard, two rooms and the stairs. I find Tris' room and I try to stifle a laugh. The carpet's pink, the bed is covered in purple blankets, she has a vanity like every girl that's white. The dresser across from her bed is also white. Her curtains are green. I sit on the bed hearing footsteps come towards the door. I look up as Tris enters and I think I nearly swallowed my tongue, she's only in her bra and panties.</p><p>"Your mother said you could find me something to clean my hand with?" I sit up straighter, don't get hard. Do not, for the life of me, get hard.</p><p>"Why are your shoes off?" She looks around the room.</p><p>"Well isn't it polite to not track dirt and mud through a house, especially a fine young lady's bedroom." Can she tell how breathless I am, put a shirt on please. Can she not tell that I'm fixing to scream, I'll even cry. I watch her reach up and wrap her arms over her chest. That makes my breathing halt, she doesn't think she's beautiful? Something smears along her arm and I notice blood.</p><p>I lean forward, "you're bleeding." I reach for her arm.</p><p>"Oh." She whispers absently. "I am." She leaves her room, I remove my jacket. Should I follow her?</p><p>She comes back and sits on the end of her bed facing me, she takes my hand and cleans it. My eyes never leave our hands. When she's done I see that her arm is still bleeding, I pick up the rag and wipe down the cut before taking the band-aid she brought and smoothing it over the wound. She bites her lip and looks up at me through her lashes. I reach up and touch her face, my thumb brushes the bottom of her lower lip. I wonder how her lips would feel against mine.</p><p>I lean towards her. Her mother calls up the steps and it's like a bucket of water is thrown on me. She looks up at me, face flushed. "Do you?" I can't look at her.</p><p>"Sure." I jump up. "Bathroom's just right around the corner, right?"</p><p>"Yes." I nod and all but run out the door, I have to get away from her. I don't know her and she doesn't know me. That's not how a first kiss is suppose to be anyways. You're suppose to be in love with the person that you kiss, you have to be sure that they like you back. When your lips meet you're suppose to see stars. I lean against the window at the end of the hallway outside the bathroom. I won't let Tris be one of those meaningless kisses, though I doubt she'd like me in anyway like that, even if she knew the real me too.</p><p>I head towards the stairs and stand behind Tris as she tells her parents about how cute I was helping that woman.</p><p>"How did you pay for ours then?"</p><p>"I did." I finally speak up and Tris jumps, I smile a little.</p><p>"So you just paid for them?" I take my eyes off Tris.</p><p>"I may have told the man that charging more for an item because of someone's skin colour was wrong." I shrug, maybe the news will spread that I almost hit the man.</p><p>When her father asks how I know Tris, I pause what can I tell them? Your daughter and her friends went to the lake without telling anyone? That I may be stalking their daughter? That's what I'm doing isn't it, stalking her? I feel like it is, I barely know this girl and I've already seen her almost naked, helped her with groceries, and I think I'm eating dinner with her parents.</p><p>There's floundering and a young man a year or two older than me pats Mr. Prior on the back. I know this kid.</p><p>"Four here helped me the other day. Susan had car trouble. And Beatrice and Four walked to the university to get me and Robert to help. She asked Four to let her go alone but he wasn't having any of it." He was in that truck that got the girls but that's not how I know him. He smiles at Tris. "Four here is friends with a buddy of mine that transferred to Chicago."</p><p>That's it!</p><p>I have a flashback of Eric angrily beating on a door to his secret girl's house. Of him running to the university in Chicago hoping to see her. Finding that her aunt and a student were going at it on her desk chair.</p><p>"How is our buddy doing?" He looks at me and I remember his name is Caleb.</p><p>"They're good. Miss you. Maybe one day you would like to go back up there with me and we could all hang out. Or They could come down here? If that's okay with your parents?" I smile, I wonder if they know that their son is having an affair with an older woman.</p><p>We eat and I stay to help with the dishes, it's the best I can do without feeling guilty. I tell everyone goodbye. I'm sure they'd like to get on with their evening. Mrs. Prior hugs me and I freeze, her hug is warm, the kind motherly hugs are suppose to be. She tells me to come around more often and then hands me left overs.</p><p>I give Tris a small sheepish smile. The good mood doesn't stay though, because I have to open my mouth and make it worse. We're staring at each other and I'm slightly hurt that she'd accuse me of only being nice to her to get into her bed.</p><p>"If I wanted sex I certainly wouldn't go to you for it!" I hiss at her and turn around, fingers tight against the containers in my hands. I stop and turn around to look at her, her hands are clenched and shaking. I feel bad, I remember how she covered herself earlier less out of embarrassment and more out of shame. Shame for her body. I wrap my arms around her, breathing in the scent off her hair.</p><p>"Tris, it's not that-" I can't tell her that I would have sex with her. "You don't seem the type to be for sex only."</p><p>We stay like that her head against my chest, softly whispering. A car could hit me as I was walking home and I'd be okay to die as happy as I am now. I make her an open-ended promise to teach her how to skip a rock and to teach her the metaphor Mr. Paszek had taught me.</p><p>I watch her walk back around the hedge and I suddenly miss her. I hurry home and head up the stairs, I use my keys to get into the boy's apartment and set the food on the counter. Charlie looks at me.</p><p>"Where were you?"</p><p>"Out with a friend." I hand him a plate.</p><p>"Girlfriend?" Charlie smiles. "You're face is red and you're smiling. You look like that couple downstairs whenever they think about the other."</p><p>I swat his head. "Eat."</p><p>I head across the hall to my apartment and don't bother turning on the lights just falling into bed. I get a call from Eric in the morning about how I'm needed back in Chicago. I leave a note for Daniel, one for the landlord, and I write one for Tris. I drive by the Prior house and leave it in the mailbox for her. Hopefully I did leave my jacket with her, I'll have to get a new one while I'm in Chicago.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her big grey eyes look up at me, her mouth is open so a soft moan can escape into the air between us. I love the way her hair sticks to her face,the way her eyes glisten and the way her face flushes. I keep my arm behind her shoulder. My free hand is digging into the back of her thigh. I want to sit up and watch where I disappear into her.</p><p>From where I am though I can see her breasts. I don't know when I preferred her breasts over the fuller ones that Lauren's friends had. The girls with the curves in all the right places. I kiss the girl below me, her nails dig into my arms.</p><p>"-bias." She pants out against my shoulder. "Tobias, please!"</p><p>My hips move faster. I want this as much as she does. I want her to come, I need her to. "Come on baby, come on. Come on." I repeat over and over in Polish because I know she likes it when I speak to her in that tongue.</p><p>I pant against her skin as she mewls under me, still searching for what she needs, I let go of her thigh and move my hand to her sex. I press my thumb against her. I rub in furious circles against the skin covering the nub only stopping to push up the hood to touch her clit.</p><p>I watch her eyes roll back, I hear her toes pop, her mouth goes slack, and a whine leaves her throat. Her body squeezes mine and before I know it she has worked my release out of me.</p><p>My eyes snap open and I groan, fuck. Not again. I punch my pillow and roll over to stare at the ceiling. That is the sixth time in the past month that I have had such dreams about Tris. I cover my face and groan again. I wouldn't be having these dreams if she was here and not having a graduation vacation with Christina and Will.</p><p>I get up and take a shower, I tap my forehead against the wall a couple of times. 'You'll be fine, Tobias, I'm sure you can go a month without sex.' I replay Tris' words to me when she told me about the surprise trip over and over in my head.</p><p>"Yeah, it's not the sex that I'm missing." I whisper to myself. It's not, I miss Tris in general I miss our time together. When she helps me cook, when she dances with me. I wrap a towel around my waist and dig through my drawers. I smack my head and start laughing when I realise that I need to do laundry. Tris will kill me if she comes back and finds that I haven't been doing my chores or I won't get my "good-boy reward." as she put it.</p><p>I grab a laundry basket and fill it up with clothes I grab the laundry soap and head downstairs into the basement. I run into Matthew, who looks at me in understanding, and I realise that he is carrying a laundry basket and is in a towel too.</p><p>"Put off doing laundry too?" He nods at my basket.</p><p>"Yeah, Tris would kill me if she found out." I smiles.</p><p>"I know that feeling, Nita would feed me to her father's Chihuahua." He laughs and I enter the Laundry room. I load a washing machine and start it, a young woman no younger than me walks in. I lean against the wall and watch her. She frowns at the machine in front of her and I clear my throat.</p><p>"New here?"</p><p>She jumps and turns around. "Uh, yeah!"</p><p>I push off the wall and walk over to her, "when I first moved in I had to fix two of these. This was one of them." I show her how to get it working then return to my laundry.</p><p>"I'm sorry but it this a thing for you?" She turns and asks.</p><p>"I'm sorry?" I tilt my head.</p><p>"Walking around in the towel?"</p><p>"Only when I forget to do laundry until I have nothing to wear." I smile and she smiles back. I load the dryer and she turns to look at me again.</p><p>"So how long have you been living here?"</p><p>"Two years." I give a small smile remembering the two boys that use to live across from me.</p><p>"You're the one that fixes up the building for the landlord right?" She taps her fingers on the washer.</p><p>"Yeah," I stand up and turn to fix the front of my towel.</p><p>I hear a cough, Mrs. Lewis is standing in the doorway. "That is inappropriate behaviour! I will make a complaint."</p><p>"You'd be the only one." I hear the young woman behind me mutter under her breath. The dryer stops and I grab the clothes, folding them then placing them in the basket. I grab it and the soap.</p><p>"Good day Mrs. Lewis, looking a bit more rested than normal." I smile at her and she glares.</p><p>"Filthy children." I laugh and look at the young woman.</p><p>"Goodbye, Ms?"</p><p>"Name's Audrey." She smiles. "I live on the top floor."</p><p>"Goodbye Audrey." I walk to the door and stop. "Mrs. Lewis do know that I am really sorry, don't worry when Tris gets back we'll have to make up for the month of peace you've been getting." She screams at me and I leave laughing. I make it back to my apartment and I sigh once the door is closed. I really miss Tris.</p><p>She licks her lips as she sinks down on me, her hands stay on my chest. I watch where I disappear into her body as she moves. I'd beg her to go faster but it's rare when I can get her to do this without encouragement.</p><p>She picks herself up and sinks back down, picking up speed as she goes. Her hand trails down the curls at the base of her sex to her seam where she touches herself. My hand reaches out-</p><p>there's a crash and I sit up, my clock is on the floor from where I probably knocked it off. I don't know what time it is and I don't care. I bury my face against my pillow, not only was I having another sex dream in the span of three days but this time I decided to not get dressed after a shower and slept nude. I roll over on my back and glare at my cock. The outline it makes under the sheet. I rub a hand over my face before throwing my arm across it, fitting my face into the crook of my elbow. I take a deep breath and let it all out before flipping the sheet off me.</p><p>Keeping my one arm across my face I reach down with my other hand to grab the traitor between my thighs. I pump my fist up and down this becoming more of a habit in the past month without Tris than when I was going through puberty. I groan, it's feeling more like a job than pleasure to get off now. Like it's the only way I can sleep and stay asleep. I thumb at the head, smearing the bead of pre-come around.</p><p>"Fuck." I hiss, this isn't getting me anywhere. I need to have Tris here. I get out of bed and hope that my erection goes down. After fifteen minutes it finally does. I dig through my bedside table drawer, looking for what? Probably my cigarettes. I find them and pictures of our Chicago trip. I open a window before lighting a cigarette. I prop up my pillows and lean against them looking through the pictures.</p><p>The ones that were safe were given to her parents, these ones are the ones we took in the privacy of our room. There's the one of Tris on the bed, the night that we started having sex. The next is Tris spread out for me, smiling at me. The one I took right before we made love.</p><p>The next is of her on her stomach that I took from the end of the bed, her head is buried in her arms and she's asleep. Her ass is in full view. I shuffle through the stack, giving a moan at one she let me take of her riding me. I feel myself start to get hard at the one of my fingers in her.</p><p>God, I miss her. When is she going to be back?</p><p>I set the pictures back in the drawer and shut it. I put out the cigarette in the ash tray as I wrap my free hand back around me, I moan as my hand drags down my skin. I sit up straighter and my hand pumps my cock faster, I run my thumb along the slit and my hips jerk. My eyes are squeezed shut and my mouth is open. It's right there I can feel it but I can't reach it, I can't reach my release. What now is my body punishing me for enjoying masturbating now? I groan and drop my hand.</p><p>"You know maybe I can help."</p><p>I sit up on my forearms a little, chest heaving with my heavy breaths. Tris is standing at the foot of our bed, face flushed. "You're back!"</p><p>"Oh, I am back." She smiles at me.</p><p>"Oh god you're back!" I move to get up and she climbs onto the mattress. She pushes me back down before ducking her head to kiss my neck, my chest, moving down to kiss my stomach. I lean up again to look at her and she smiles at me while pushing herself up to kiss me. I suck on her bottom lip as a hand comes up to cup the back of her head. Her hands come up and grab my hair pulling my head back from her.</p><p>"Stay." She lets go and slides back down, her hand wraps around my cock.</p><p>"Maybe it'll go away with you." I let my eyes close.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>The side of my mouth quirks up. "Let's say that going a month without you or sex wasn't the best." She laughs and her hand stops, my eyes snap open. "Don't, please. That's cruel."</p><p>Tris looks at me and slides farther down on the bed. I fall back and let my head hit the pillow, fuck she's going to-</p><p>Her lips wrap around the head.</p><p>"Oh my god!" I shout. I do owe Mrs. Lewis a disturbance. Tris' teeth graze my skin and I hiss, there's a pop and Tris smacks my stomach.</p><p>"How do you want it?"</p><p>"You know how I like it." I reach down to touch her hand on my stomach.</p><p>"But isn't the same old thing boring?" She licks my slit then smiles.</p><p>I smooth a hand over her ponytail, grabbing the tie and sliding it out of her hair. I drop it and cup her face. "Having my dick in your mouth is never boring." Tris smiles and I run my fingers through her hair to hold it back.</p><p>"I'll make it good."</p><p>"It's always good, my love." Her tongue pokes out to lick at me. "Keep doing that and it may be over before it starts."</p><p>One of her hands wraps around my shaft as she takes the head into her mouth. Her head sinks down farther, taking more of me into her mouth.</p><p>"Fucking shit!" My fingers tighten in her hair when she pulls up to the top. "Babe. Oh, baby!" My heels dig into the mattress. Tris' head keeps bobbing between my thighs. The hand that's not stroking me slides up my body to rest above my heart.</p><p>"You know spit is your friend." I grunt and she pulls off. I look down at her. "I changed my mind, I want it messy. We do owe Mrs. Lewis a month of made up disturbances."</p><p>She smiles and spits, letting her hand spread it down my cock. "Okay. I can do that." More spit. She runs her tongue up the underside before taking me back into her mouth, I don't bother to keep the noises coming out of my mouth down.</p><p>My hands slide out of her hair and cup her cheeks. "Stop or I'm going to come in your mouth." She pulls her mouth away from me, spit on her chin. Her hand continues squeezing me. "Come here I want a kiss."</p><p>She scoots up and I pull her face to mine as I spill onto her hand and my stomach.</p><p>"I enjoyed that. How was the vacation?" I wipe my face and get up, pulling Tris to the bathroom with me. I start the water and plug the tub.</p><p>"I enjoyed you enjoying that." I turn to her, she smiles at me. I press my lips against hers as the tub fills up. I cup her breasts through her shirt. "Tobias."</p><p>I hum.</p><p>"Tobias." Her breath is hot against my neck. I pull away and turn off the water before sitting in the tub. "Tobias!" She whines and I smile.</p><p>"Come here," I hold out my hand for her. She walks to the edge of the tub and she leans over her hair falls over her shoulder. "Give me a show?"</p><p>She walks over to the sink and opens the cabinet for a hair band. She puts her hair up in a bun before turning her back to me. Her shoulders shift and her button down shirt drops to the floor, her back is bare.</p><p>"No bra?" I lick my lips. "You've been wearing one less and less now."</p><p>"Thought you liked it." She turns her head to look at me over her shoulder.</p><p>"I do, but I hope you didn't walk around Los Angeles like that." I sit up as her shorts drop. "You're not wearing underwear either?"</p><p>"Nope. Thought I'd be," she turns and I grip the sides of the tub. Her hands are cupping her breasts, nipples poking between her fingers. "Easy for you when I got home."</p><p>"Babe. My love." I lean back as she climbs in the tub straddling me. I stare at the metal on her chest. "When did you?"</p><p>"During my vacation, Christina gave me a look like I was crazy." She runs a hand down my chest. "Do you like?"</p><p>"Good girls aren't suppose to do such naughty things." I duck my head and kiss the top of one of her breasts. "Good girls aren't suppose to," I pause and fasten my lips around her nipple.</p><p>"Pierce their nipples?" She moans out and I reach around her to grab her ass. I remove my mouth from her and push her up so her chest is hovering over my face. "Baby, I think I stopped being a good girl the moment I met you."</p><p>I smile and kiss her chin, then kiss down her throat, her collar bone, before kissing her sternum. I trail my lips over to her other nipple and suck it into my mouth. One of her hands pulls at my hair the other slides on my shoulder, down my arm, and plops into the water. She brings it back up, I feel her fingers dig into the muscle of my shoulder.</p><p>I pull one of my hands away from her ass and trail it down to her opening. "You're really needing it aren't you?" I push two fingers into her. "I remember when you were just the girl who would blush if I kissed her for too long. Do you remember her?" She leans down and kisses me.</p><p>"Yeah." She whines out.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah. Tobias please!" Her hips thrust against my hand, I push my fingers forward, searching for that spot inside her. After doing this for so long it doesn't take me long to find it. I press against it hard, fingers rubbing in circles.</p><p>"Oh god." She shouts above me and I pull my fingers out. She whines and the noise sounds like my name.</p><p>I chuckle. "Hold on, my love."</p><p>I slide the hand on her backside up her spine to rub between her shoulders. I wrap the hand I just pulled out of her around her thigh. The other does the same on the opposite thigh. I pull her up and yelps.</p><p>"What are you doing?" She sounds panicky.</p><p>"Trust me. Put your hands on my back, or on the edge of the tub behind me. There you go." I smile. "Now knees. On my shoulders, I got you." My hands stay on the back of her thighs as I lower her to my mouth.</p><p>I pull her clit into my mouth. I hear a squeak, the noise of wet skin sliding on the tub. A hand pulls at my hair. I touch my tongue to her, I hear her make an inhuman noise. Her hips start thrusting, I place open mouthed kisses down to her opening. Taking time to lick at her before sliding my tongue into her. I pull back to look at her when she stops making noise.</p><p>The hand that was in my hair is playing with the barbell in one of her nipples. Her head is thrown back, her throat looks long at this angle. I kiss her thigh then turn back to her sex. It's not long before her body shakes above mine before tensing then relaxing. I pull her down to straddle me, I kiss her. Her tongue touches mine and I give a low moan. I'm still not ready to go. I tell her and she giggles.</p><p>"That's fine I don't think I could take another so soon."</p><p>I reach forward to pull the plug in the bath, the water having gone long cold. I turn on the faucet and refill it with warm water. "I planned on just us washing up, making lunch then what ever. Didn't expect the." I stare down at her breasts then look up at her. "Man or woman?"</p><p>"What." She looks at me, her eyes wide looking more blue than grey.</p><p>"Who?" I kiss her cheek.</p><p>"Does it matter?" She grabs the bar of soap, wetting it before bringing it up and rubbing the soap over my chest.</p><p>I run a towel up Tris' calves one after the other, over the curve of her backside, up her back. I take my time on her arms before drying off the back of her neck. I let the towel in my hands mold itself to the small swells of her breasts. I kiss her shoulder as I make my way down her stomach.</p><p>"There you go, all dry now."</p><p>"Mmm, thank you." She turns and kisses me. "I'll go make us sandwiches?"</p><p>"Sounds good," I kiss her again. I smack her ass as I head towards my bedroom.</p><p>"Didn't get dressed or bring me a shirt did you?" She frowns as she walks into the living room. I shake my head and smile taking a plate from her. I sit on the couch and take a bite.</p><p>"What?" I ask around the bread in my mouth.</p><p>"You're shameless." She raises an eyebrows.</p><p>I smile, "you act like we're going to stay clothed."</p><p>"You said something naughty in Polish again didn't you?" She sits next to me. "I don't care." We eat in silence, I occasionally kiss her face. When she takes my plate and hers to the kitchen I get up and make my way to the record player. She looks at me and I hold out my hand, which she takes. I pull her close and sing with the record. We sway back and forth.</p><p>"Better than prom?" She kisses my chin.</p><p>"Having you in my arms is always the best no matter what occasion." He stand there dancing for a few record before Tris pushes up on her toes to kiss me deeply. She jumps and wraps her legs around my waist. She pecks small kisses on my lips as I walk to the couch and lie us on it.</p><p>She smells so good, I bury my face in the crook of her neck. My sheet is pulled down so everything above her navel is bare. My fingers lightly pull at her nipples, the other hand disappears below the sheet to part the lips of her sex. I stroke at her and a whine leaves her throat, I pull at the thin skin covering her clit. I smile into her hair knowing what makes her tick better than she does. I pull her leg up so I can slide in to her, I groan when I fill her to the hilt.</p><p>My hips move slowly against hers, my hand is sweaty against her thigh as I hook it over my hip. Her back is flushed with my chest. The hand playing with her nipple moves to the other one.</p><p>"-ias." I kiss the skin under my lips. "Tob-"</p><p>She moves my hands up to her lips and-</p><p>-bites down on the flesh on the side. My eyes snap open.</p><p>"Ouch! Fuck!" I hiss pulling away, jerking my hand away. "What was that for?"</p><p>"You were sleeping, and you are-" she trails off and it dawns on me that I'm in her.</p><p>"Shit." I rub my face and pull out of her. "Are you okay?"</p><p>She shrugs. "I was nervous. We never talked about this."</p><p>"Are you okay though? I didn't scare you?" I pull her close expecting her to not let me. Her head rests against my chest.</p><p>"We've never made love with us not facing each other." She finally whispers and I kiss her head.</p><p>"One day I'd like to." I kiss her. "I'd be so nice to you, I'd make sure you were okay. I'd stay close, hold you afterwards."</p><p>"You wouldn't use me?"</p><p>"Never." I kiss her again. "Go back to sleep."</p><p>She yawns. "Sing to me?"</p><p>"Something in the way she moves attracts me like no other lover. Something in the way she woos me. I don't want to leave her now, you know I believe and how."</p><p>"Four!" I turn my head and black curls bounce into view. Audrey is panting, forearm braced against the door frame. I put down the window I was putting in the office for Mr. Joseph.</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>"I went to change over the load in the washer to the dryer and," she gasps. "I'm cooking and my stoves on and the door is shut, the oven is on too. I don't know how I swore I had my key on me."</p><p>"You don't and the door is locked while you're cooking. Calm down I have keys here." I hold up my key chain with all the keys. I follow her up to the fifth floor. I get her door unlocked and she walks inside, I frown at her. "It's really hot in here."</p><p>"Yeah, the air conditioner chooses when to work and when not to. My sink also leaks." She stirs something in the pot on the stove then opens the oven.</p><p>"Stay here I will go get my tools and fix it for you." I hurry down the stairs, a hand grabs my shirt and I turn. Tris is leaning out of my apartment. "What?"</p><p>She drops her hand, "I- need- was going to- I-" I raise an eyebrow.</p><p>"I have to go fix this sink and A.C for Audrey. So what?"</p><p>She nods. "Nothing never mind."</p><p>I touch her cheek briefly before running downstairs to grab my tools. I pass by my apartment on the way up and I look at the door. I lean against it and for a moment I think I hear crying. I shake my head and run up to Audrey's apartment.</p><p>"Okay first A.C then the sink." I smile at her and Audrey smiles back. "So where are you from?" I ask later when I'm under the sink.</p><p>"Oh, from Iowa. It's so different here." She bends over to look in the sink as I tighten the pipes. "Something lose?"</p><p>"Yeah that's all it was." I sit up and freeze, my eyes are level with the open neck of her shirt. I clear my throat and stand up. I gather my things and out of the corner of my eye she fiddles with her fingers.</p><p>"Would you like to stay for dinner?" She finally asks and I shake my head after looking at the food she cooked.</p><p>"No thank you. I'm busy need to finish a lot of things." I start to leave and she walks with me back downstairs to the office. She stays and talks to me as I put the window in.</p><p>"Would you help me?" I ask Audrey. "Can you hold this for me?" She holds the frame as I set the window in. "So much easier with help."</p><p>"I'd help anytime." She smiles at me, she places a hand on my chest. "So, Four." She presses close and pushes up her lips press against mine.</p><p>I step back. "Audrey, I have a girlfriend. And I love her very much-"</p><p>"Oh my god. Oh god!" She covers her face. "I am so sorry. Just when you left the laundry room Mrs. Lewis said something about animals and I thought Tris was like a pet or something. And you looked stress so I thought that you needed to relax and dinner and a nice night- oh god! I'm so sorry!"</p><p>My face is hot. "You wanted to-"</p><p>"I only wanted one night. Oh my god. I'm going to go and act like this did not happen." She backs out of the office and I shake my head. They only see how I look. Always the one night stands. I stick my hands in my pocket and stomp up the stairs to my door. Tris is staring into the fridge.</p><p>"Do you want to go out?" I place my hand on her back.</p><p>"Do you want to?" She looks at me and I duck down a sudden need to kiss her. To get the feeling of Audrey's lips off mine. She turns her head slightly. "Oh." I realise she turned to look at the clock on the wall.</p><p>"Yeah. I want to go. Gotta wash up first then we'll go." She pushes hair behind her ears and I walk into the bathroom. I wipe my face of with a wet rag and my hands. I change my clothes and grab my keys. "Do you want to take the truck? Walk?" I press against her. "My bike?" I mouth against her cheek.</p><p>"I don't care, I'm hungry." She pulls away, slides her feet in her shoes, and exits out the door without me.</p><p>I jog after her and she's already a few steps ahead on the sidewalk. "Tris!" I grab her hand. "You left without me."</p><p>She turns her head, confused. "Weren't you up there?" She points in front of her.</p><p>"No." I duck down to kiss her head.</p><p>"Oh." She bites her lip.</p><p>I swing our hands between us as we walk. I hold the door open for her and pull out her chair before sitting down across from her. She looks at a menu then me.</p><p>"I have to use the restroom, order for me?" I watch her get up and head towards the ladies' restroom. The waitress comes by and I order what I normally get for Tris too. When our food gets here and she still isn't back I worry.</p><p>"Excuse me, ma'am." I smile at our waitress. "You know the young lady that I came in here with?"</p><p>"Oh yeah. She's over there." The waitress points and I look over to where she's pointing. Tris is leaning over a table talking to a young man, who is staring down the neck of her dress.</p><p>His mouth moves and Tris' shoulders shake. He smiles at her and nods. She puts down a pen and hands him a piece of paper. My fingers tighten on the edge of the table. She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and walks back over to me, smile on her face.</p><p>"Who was that?" I ask, my tone even.</p><p>"Oh, that was a young man just moved here. He was asking for directions." She takes a bite of her burger and doesn't talk again, even when I try to talk to her. When we're done I pay for our meal. I turn and Tris is walking out that man she was talking to holding the door open for her.</p><p>She shivers in the night air and he rubs her arm. He shrugs off his jacket and hands it to her. My blood boils. I walk over, mouth open to say something.</p><p>"...maybe go see a movie with me?" The man asks and I stop, a smile forming on my face. Knowing that Tris will turn him down.</p><p>"I can't tonight. I'm busy." She smiles and the wind blows her hair around her head.</p><p>He smiles back and reaches up to tuck hair behind her ears, her face pinkens. "Maybe tomorrow?"</p><p>Tell him you have someone.</p><p>"I'm busy tomorrow too."</p><p>He takes a step towards her. "Any time you're not busy?"</p><p>I clear my throat and Tris looks at me smiling. How can she smile like she's not letting herself be hit on by some guy.</p><p>"Hello," the man smiles, his brown eyes don't look happy though.</p><p>I look at Tris. "Ready to go?"</p><p>"Oh, mmhm." She nods and the man looks at me.</p><p>"Your brother?"</p><p>"Boyfriend." I frown.</p><p>The man raises an eyebrow. "Goodbye, ma'am."</p><p>"Goodbye?" She bites her lip.</p><p>"Ray. Name's Ray. Maybe I'll see you around." He tucks hair behind her ear again and she hands him back his jacket.</p><p>She shrugs and starts walking. I glance at the man, Ray, and he's looking at me. Smirk on his face. "Not pleasing your woman enough? Maybe you should let her go, find someone who's better."</p><p>"That will never happen." I hiss and start off after Tris. "What was that?" I grab her arm and she looks at me.</p><p>"What was what?" She tilts her head.</p><p>"You don't say anything to me all through dinner, and you're all over that guy." I stare her down and she pulls her arm out of my grasp.</p><p>"All over? I was being nice." She starts to walk off.</p><p>"If be being nice you mean flirting!" I yell after her. We walk back in silence. My heart is hammering from anger. She didn't even tell him that I was her boyfriend or that she had one. She stands outside the door waiting for me. She gives me a look.</p><p>"Are you going to unlock the door?" She crosses her arms.</p><p>"Oh I only invite my committed girlfriend into my home this late." I push past her and unlock the door.</p><p>"I am committed!" She yells at me.</p><p>"Not enough to tell someone who's flirting with you that you have a boyfriend!" I shout back, I'm hurt. She is mine to love. How can she have my heart if I can't have hers anymore?</p><p>"So what having another guy find me attractive is bad?" She crosses her arms and I stare at her. "Other girls can flirt with you but it's only wrong when a guy does it to me?"</p><p>"No! It's wrong when you don't tell them you have someone." I run a hand through my hair. "Audrey kissed me."</p><p>I hear Tris suck in air.</p><p>"She invited me back t her place for dinner and dessert. Not the dessert that involves food. The kind that's clothesless and in a bed." I smirk.</p><p>Tris walks past me, her bare feet padding across the floor she grabs the laundry basket and starts filling it with clothes. She grabs the laundry soap and leaves without looking at me once. "You forgot money!"</p><p>She comes back in, face red. She grabs what she needs off the counter.</p><p>"Did I hit a nerve?" I tilt my head. "Why are you angry?"</p><p>"I'm not." She turns from me.</p><p>"Yes you are, funny. I'm not suppose to be angry but you're allowed to be." I scoff. Her back stiffens and she shakes her head.</p><p>"I'll be back. I'm leaving so I don't say something that you wouldn't like to hear."</p><p>"Oh no, let me hear it." I wrap my arm around her waist. "Come on I'm a big boy."</p><p>"Let me go, Tobias."</p><p>"No we're settling this."</p><p>"No we're done here. I need to go."</p><p>"Right, because it's no big deal when I'm hurt. But when I get advances from someone then you can be hurt and it's a big deal?"</p><p>"Four, get off me!" I drop my arm, my body numb. "You don't know how much better I could do. How many people I have said no to because I have you." She hisses and walks out the door.</p><p>"What's stopping you? I could do better than you, I plan to!" I lie angered by her words.</p><p>I don't know how long I stand there until it becomes too much. I shut my door behind me and stomp down to the laundry room. The door is shut and I open it. Tris was leaning over the washer, when the door opened she shot up and turned.</p><p>I could tell by her expression she didn't expect me to be there. Her shoulders drop and she sighs in defeat.</p><p>"Please go I don't want to do this anymore tonight."</p><p>I grab her face once I reach her, I pull her to me. My lips crash into hers, my tongue pushing past her lips. I push her back against the washer, my hips thrust against her. Her hands pull at my hair, I moan into her mouth.</p><p>"Stop, Tobias." She kisses my jaw. My hands pull at her sleeves, I pull them down her shoulders, kissing the top of her tattoo. I stare at the flesh of the crook of her neck and press my mouth against it, my teeth closing around the flesh.</p><p>I hear Tris hiss and I chuckle. "Come on baby, don't do that." I tap at her bottom lip that's in her mouth. I pull her dress down her arms so the top is around her waist. I duck down and bite her nipples, the metal warming in my mouth. "Be loud, don't you want them to hear? I want them to hear."</p><p>"Hear what?" She moans out as I suck and bite at the flesh of her stomach.</p><p>I push the dress down and wrap my fingers around the edge of her panties. I pull and hear a satisfying rip. I pull her up and set her on the washer. I duck down and bite at her thighs, her calves. There's more pulling at my hair.</p><p>"Tobias!"</p><p>"Louder." I demand against her skin. "Give it to me louder and I'll do something." I raise myself up a little to kiss between her breasts. I cup her face again and kiss her, her nails dig into my neck, my shoulders. I pull my shirt off and she grabs the neck of my sleeveless shirt.</p><p>"Off." She pants.</p><p>I grab the neck and pull. "There my shirt for your underwear." I suck a nipple back in my mouth. My fingers dig into the skin on her back, holding her to me. I reach one hand around to play with the other one.</p><p>She shouts my name and I chuckle. "Good girl. Let them know who's doing this to you." I throw a glance at the open door before sliding back to my knees.</p><p>She scoots forward so her ass is on the edge of the washer. I bury my face between her thighs, my nose nudging her mound, I place a kiss on her. My hands grab the tops of her thighs, my teeth nip at her clit before my lips wrap around it.</p><p>She shouts and I pull away. "Yeah like that, baby." One hand slides down so my thumb can rub at her. "Say my name?"</p><p>"Tobias." She moans.</p><p>"Louder." I kiss her knee and put my lips back against her, I lick at her opening and she says my name again, louder. I let my hand slide down and push my thumb into her. I stand up, my tongue trailing up her navel, between her breasts. She leans her head down to mine and kisses me. "Do you want me to make love you you?"</p><p>"No." She shakes her head, and her fingers slide against my skin. "I want you to fuck me."</p><p>"You want me to what?" I step back so I can undo my pants, I pull them and my boxers down enough to free my cock.</p><p>She looks at me, legs spread, chest heaving. Hair sticking to her face. "Fuck me."</p><p>"What?" I rest my hands on her knees.</p><p>"I want you to fuck me Tobias!" She yells and I laugh.</p><p>"Do you? Want everyone to know that you can't do better than me?" I slide my hands up and stand closer. "Got to be loud. So everyone knows how good I treat you, my love. How good I take care of you."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"Okay?"</p><p>She nods, "please, baby. Please!"</p><p>I align myself with her before thrusting in. I moan when she squeezes around me, Tris throws her head back. A throaty noise leaving her. I thrust against her slowly, her hand comes up and smacks my chest. She sits up, arms wrapping around my neck. My hands let go of her legs and wrap around her, the dig into her back, I turn my head and suck a mark into the crook of her elbow, I leave a trail up her arm. I bite her shoulder. My shoulders sting, my teeth bite down on the top of her breast.</p><p>She screams my name and I kiss her chin, her lips. "Scream my name louder. Who makes you feel like this?"</p><p>"You do!" I feel her lips attach themselves to my throat, her tongue runs up my chin. "You."</p><p>"Let them know my name." I bite the lobe of her ear.</p><p>"Tobias!"</p><p>"Who do you belong to?" I grab her cheek and tilt her face up.</p><p>"You, baby. I'm yours!" She smiles. "I'm yours to fuck, to kiss, to mark. Fuck baby! I wanna come. I need you to make me."</p><p>"You need me to make you come?" I kiss her.</p><p>"Oh fuck!" She screams when I touch her, she squeezes around me and my hips pick up. I let my forehead drop on her shoulder. I turn my head and see a shocked face, the guy standing in the doorway holds up his hands. He leaves when Tris starts screaming my name. Part of me wishes he'd stay, see how good I make her feel. How much pleasure she gets with me.</p><p>She squeezes one last time around me and then relaxes, I let my hips pick up pace. My thumb still rubs at her and she bites down. I'm going to have bruises and I love it. Love that I'll walk around town and those who know Tris and I will see the marks and know that I'm pleasing her. That no one else can do this, only I can.</p><p>They will know that she can't find anyone better.</p><p>That she knows she can't find anyone better.</p><p>She lets out a shriek, my thumb forcing her oversensitive body through another orgasm. I follow behind her.</p><p>I pull away so she can hop down. We dress in silence and I look at her. "Want me to stay and help with the laundry?"</p><p>She nods and I notice there are tears on her cheeks.</p><p>"What's wrong?" I kiss her head.</p><p>"Nothing. I promise. Just. Nothing." She starts folding clothes in the dryer and I load the next load in the dryer. "Why don't you go upstairs and I'll finish this." She looks at me and I frown. "Go on. I'll be up soon. Promise."</p><p>I leave her with a glance and head back up to my apartment. I sit on the couch and put my head in my hands. Now that my anger and jealousy has subsided I feel horrible.</p><p>Lips press against the back of my neck and I become aware of music playing, I straighten up and Tris had her arms wrapped around my shoulders. Her hand slides down my back.</p><p>"I lied." She whispers. "I didn't turn down so many potential others for you. Nor can I do better." Her teeth nip at my ear. "But you can, you can do better than me and that's what scares me the most. You could leave me tomorrow for Audrey or someone that's not me."</p><p>I laugh and shake my head, "only said that because you said you could do better than me. I can't do better I could do so much worse, my love."</p><p>"So you don't plan to do better?" She breathes against my jaw and I turn to face her.</p><p>"Somewhere in her smile she knows that I don't need no other lover. Something in her style that shows me. Don't want to leave her now, you know I believe and how."</p><p>We're sitting on a blanket waiting for the fireworks to start, I've been dying to ask her why she started carrying a camera around. Why she's writing in this journal.</p><p>"What's that?" I finally ask, curiosity getting the best of me. She turns and looks at me, a smile lighting up her face. It must be really important.</p><p>"I want to keep a journal of events. Maybe work my way up to being journalist. Or a reporter." So she found out what she wants to do. May be a bad thing with my job but I'm sure that it will work out. She'd have to move away though, like to New York or L.A even Las Vegas anywhere away from me, I really can't up and move from Chicago. I pout, knowing that she's going to have to leave me. Better rip the band-aid off and have her break up with me now then wait until college starts up and she has to move.</p><p>"Okay. You'd have to go far away for that." I steal myself for the answer, the answer I don't want to hear.</p><p>"Nope, I called and there's need for people over in Chicago." My mouth drops, she's thought this through, I look at her incredulously, she's not suggesting?</p><p>She puts the journal down and the camera, she turns on the blanket to face me. She opens her mouth to say something and I know this isn't a conversation that we can have here. I know her parents won't mind, they're busy sitting a bit farther down than us. Christina and Will are too busy in their own bubble. No one else here do I give a fuck about. There's only her and me right now. I hop up and hold my hand out. Take it, Tris. Please.</p><p>She does and I sigh. I pull her to her feet and lead her away from the people, towards the trees. We're far enough in that we won't be seen but we can still see the fireworks. I crowd her against a tree.</p><p>"In Chicago? So you mean you'd move there?" I look at her, I look in her eyes. This can't be a joke, this would be sick and cruel joke.</p><p>"With you." Her hands touch my cheeks and I smile.</p><p>"With me?" Her nod is the most beautiful think in the world. "When?" I kiss her. My heart is fluttering, I don't think I could be any happier.</p><p>"Well I don't know I have to take some classes here. And wait until I get the job in Chicago." Job? She's already waiting for a job? I pull her to the ground with me. I straddle her and hold her hands in mine. She's really thinking this future thing through. I kiss her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks. Everything and anything on her face.</p><p>There's a crack and her face takes on a reddish glow. The fireworks.</p><p>There's another crack and then it's blue.</p><p>I kiss her. She has never looked more beautiful. "We're missing the fireworks."</p><p>Her hand tangles in my hair, right now the old me would think it too long. I would have cut it by now. But there is nothing in the world that's a better feeling than Tris' fingers in my hair.</p><p>"Do you really want to watch them?" She nods at me and I smile, "turn your head then." She can watch them, I pull out my wallet as she turns her head. Blues, greens, purples, yellow,white. Red lots of red. I pull out a condom. Remembering a few days ago when she told me she forgot to go to the doctor for more birth control.</p><p>I pull up the skirt of her dress, my fingers hook in her panties. I pull them down, I undo my pants and she doesn't look at me, her eyes fixed on the sky. I don't know if I thought I'd be more important than that. I hoped I would be.</p><p>I make love to her, my hands are gentle, more gentle than I can remember them ever being. Does she not like me when I'm gentle? I can't look at her, I lie my cheek on her's.</p><p>"I love you." She whispers.</p><p>"I love you too." I close my eyes. I'm not enjoying this if she's not. I should stop. I start to pull out when her legs tighten around me. I look at her and she looks at me. I slide back in and she bites her lip. I shake my head and my hips keep moving. The fireworks stop and soon I fall off the edge. I kiss her neck, her cheek before lying my head back on her chest. Listening to her heartbeat.</p><p>"Move in with me?" I'm so nervous. I shouldn't be.</p><p>"No."</p><p>My heart stops.</p><p>"Not here, in Chicago. Yeah I will. I will move in with you. Because I'm sure that when we're there everything will be okay." She pats my head.</p><p>"What do you mean?" I kiss her breast through her dress.</p><p>She pulls my face up to hers. "I'll have a job and you'll have a job and we'll be all good with a house, we'd live together and be happy." I stand up and fix my pants before pulling her up, I pick up her underwear and hand them to her. I turn and she grabs my arm. She sticks them in my jean pocket. "There was a couple not far from us that's why I was so quiet. I'll leave my window open. Be expecting you around two?" She kisses me and then runs off to join her parents.</p><p>You're asking me will my love grow. I don't know, I don't know. You stick around now it may show. I don't know, I don't know.</p><p>I drum my thumbs on my steering wheel of my truck, the motorcycle in the back. Bags packed. I left the couch and the dresser and the bed for the people moving into that apartment. I pull over on the side of the road. I pull out a cigarette and light it.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Fuck this.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>I look at the jacket sitting on the passenger seat. The leather worn and faded, my favorite jacket. It smells like her and I look at the bag that I dug through. Photographs of us, the bracelet. Everything of us is here with me. Except for the locket.</p><p>Though when I saw her earlier with Christina she wasn't wearing it.</p><p>I think back to how her face looked when she saw me, how she turned and wouldn't talk to me.</p><p>The note that Daniel gave me. I can recite it word for word.</p><p>IV,</p><p>I'm sorry to tell you but I can't go with you to Chicago. Never. I can not stay with you. You will be holding on to this delusion that I one day may marry you, and the truth is I can't. And I won't let you sit there and wait for me to agree to something we both know I won't.</p><p>You want someone to start a family with, Four and I am not her. I want to find out who I am. You know who you are. I don't. We're two different people. From two different worlds. Maybe in time if our paths cross we'll both realise that this was the right choice.</p><p>For both of us.</p><p>-Beatrice Prior.</p><p>"Hey man! I thought Tris was coming with you?" Zeke hugs me in Max's living room everyone looks at me, Tori takes one look.</p><p>"Oh, Four!" I shrug off her hand.</p><p>"Beatrice has informed me that she can not have a life with me." I don't look at anyone. "And I should have listened, Eric. She even agrees we were two very different people from two very different worlds. I shouldn't have let it go on as long as it did."</p><p>Two years of my life.</p><p>Two.</p><p>That's not how many years she changed because now every day she'll be there a thought in the back of my mind. My heart that she forcefully gave back to me.</p><p>She gave it back and ripped hers from my hands. "So why is she back?" I ask Max as Lauren leads Tris off to the bakery.</p><p>"Be nice, all of you. My house is neutral so there will be no fighting here or in my bakery!" He looks at me. "Just co-exist for a while."</p><p>Co-exist my ass. She hurt me, she didn't even have the decency to break up with me in person. She ignored me. I walk to the bakery, I grab papers ones that need to be cataloged An excuse to see her. To see if she's doing so well.</p><p>What did she say that when we saw each other again, if our paths cross? We'll realise that it was the right choice.</p><p>I make it to the door of Max's office. "Okay. The first was after Will got drafted-" I freeze, so she did move on with others.</p><p>"Well you waited a year, I guess that was plenty of time to get over me like I never existed." I hiss at the room, I'm hurt. I didn't even date anyone and she moved on! "Max said while you're in here, Lauren, to catalog some entries for him." I frown at her, "team fucking neutral. Piss poor excuse for friendship." I toss the papers at Lauren, she goes out every week. Does God only knows what! Gabe wouldn't like it but I take care of her because she's my friend. This is how I get repaid? MY eyes meet Tris and I hope she can tell how hurt I am, how angry I am. How much I loved her, how much I still do. She's already taken my friends. I turn, I can't be near her anymore. I leave.</p><p>"Four!" Eric yells after me and I shake my head. I make my way to my apartment. I stop and turn in the hall when I hear the neighbor's radio</p><p>"Something in the way she knows, and all I have to do is think of her. Something in the things she shows me. Don't want to leave her now, you know I believe and how." I slam my door shut and I grab a bottle from the cabinet. She's back and this is the only way I'll be able to sleep.</p><p>Maybe I'll end up just like him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I'll Never Find Another Like You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The smoke leaves my lungs in a curling trail that fades in the air, my eyes never leave the pretty brunette laughing against the counter of the gas station. I watch as she asks for a pack of cigarettes and pays for it and the two bottles of soda.</p><p>The door snicked shut behind her and the mid-Spring breeze blew the ends of her hair around. For a few seconds I was breathless, completely awestruck as she approaches me.</p><p>"Here ya' go." She hands me the cigarettes and a bottle.</p><p>"Thanks," I toss the cigarette in my hand to the ground and use my keys to pop the top off the bottle, she hands me hers to do the same.</p><p>I lean against my bike and her brown eyes appraise me, I raise an eyebrow and she smiles. "I like the look of Chicago on you more than I do Brooklyn."</p><p>"No you like the look of freedom instead of my father leaving me with bruises. You like not having to scrounge around for food in dumpsters to feed your siblings. You like everyone back home thinking you're dead."</p><p>We just stare at each other and there's a crooked grin that crosses her face, "I regret leaving my siblings, sometimes I do. I don't miss that bitch that birthed me or her many boyfriends who used me. I like not having to fuck my way around Brooklyn to get money for my siblings. You made sure they got out, Four, and then you just had to find a bland dark haired girl to waste."</p><p>I think back to the girl that waited for Gabe and I at that corner. As she waited for her date to show up and take her for a good time like Gabe and Lauren promised her. The "rival" gun fire that had killed her.</p><p>I frown.</p><p>I'm sitting on the swing at the playground a few blocks away, the bruise on my cheek stinging. The soft crunch of the twigs from the trees makes my head snap up. Zoe is standing there, face equally as bruised, with a manila envelope in her hand.</p><p>"I heard you came back. Six months, Tobias."</p><p>"Your face," I started to get out of the swing.</p><p>"A lot happens in six months." She smiles, "Like this." She is in front of me now and I touch her face, the busted lip that's pulled taut.</p><p>"What happened?" I hug her, what had happened to her since I left? Why to her?</p><p>"If I want to stay to make sure my sisters and brothers eat…" she trailed off before she lost her smile. "I have to earn my room."</p><p>I see red as she lifts her shirt with her free hand, despite the chill in the late fall air. The bruises that color her fair skin. I trace a few then lift my eyes to her. "Your mother's boyfriend?"</p><p>"Boyfriends."</p><p>I hold her close and she laughs hysterically. "They love when I say 'no' and they love how young I am."</p><p>And that struck something in me, something deep and dark. I wipe a hand over my face before running it through my hair.</p><p>She tentatively touches my cheek, "you?"</p><p>I tell her that I couldn't not go to my fathers, that I had to visit him when I was in town. I brush a thumb across her chin and she looks up at me through her eyelashes. I lightly rub her bottom lip and her tongue pokes out to lick it in passing. I groan quietly and stick my thumb in her mouth, her llps promptly close around it and she sucks.</p><p>I groan again and my jeans start to get tight, I push my thumb in farther and she sucks harder. I pull my thumb out and grab the back of her head to push her mouth to mine. Her whimper is all that I wanted.</p><p>My lips attach themselves to her neck to suck a bruise of my own there, her hand runs through my hair. "Tobias, baby."</p><p>I pull away and the look in her eyes is what I want. I take her hand and lead her down the block, we stare at each other on my father's porch and I smile. I ignore the slam the door makes as I swing it shut. I take the envelope and toss it on the coffee table. I let my lips claim hers again and I hoist her up to wrap her legs around my waist. We make it up the stairs and I press her against the door to my mother's room. It was close to my father's and I wanted him to know that no matter how many times he would beat me I'd still be happy. I drop her on the bed and pull my shirt over my head to toss it on the ground before my hands frantically undo my jeans.</p><p>She rushes to get as naked as I do and then she's on her knees in front of me taking me in her mouth. I pull on her hair as I thrust my hips. I look down at her as she looks up at me and rage fuels me as I take in the bruises.</p><p>"I should tell you no." I grit out as she pulls off me, her hand still pumping me. "After what you were put through."</p><p>"I want you." She takes me in her mouth again, one bob, two bob. She pulls off on three and twists to half hang off the bed. I'm rolling a condom on as I repeat what I said.</p><p>"I don't care, Tobias, you make it feel better. You make me feel better. I want to be better." She moans at the end as I place a hand between her shoulders and thrust into her. She bites the comforter and takes each thrust I give her. Every inch of me she takes. God I love her.</p><p>I pull her head back by her hair and the noise that leaves her is loud and wild..</p><p>I hold her in bed later, her head on my chest. I wanted a cigarette as she told me about how her older three siblings just left the second they could. Leaving behind her and the other three.</p><p>"I know what to do." She sits up on an elbow, her eyes rake over me before she takes me in hand. "Tobias, if you love me you'll help me."</p><p>I twist a little to grab the pack of cigarettes next to my keys and wallet. I light one and put it to my lips before lying back down, an eyebrow raised waiting for her to continue.</p><p>She stares, face grim and I blow out smoke. "I'm listening, baby." I reach my other hand up to tangle in her hair.</p><p>"We fake my death."</p><p>"Okay, how do we do that? Just drive off with you? Then change your name?" I take another drag and she starts to stroke me.</p><p>"No, we steal a body, like from the morgue or something, and we torch it. My mother is drunk so she wouldn't be able to tell it was me, and wouldn't bother using anything else to see if it is me. We call the police so they can get my siblings out of the house, maybe blame my mother, I don't know." Her eyes are bright and she hooks a leg around me. "We make a little story up, won't we baby? We'll be so happy."</p><p>I connect the dots instantly as she sheaths me in her. "Baby."</p><p>"Oh, baby, you'll do anything to get me out of here, won't you?" She ruts on me and I open my mouth to protest.</p><p>Her hand presses against my throat.</p><p>"Say yes. Say that you'll free me, take me with you when you go." She leans down, hand still on my throat, to kiss my lips. Her tongue ravishes my mouth. "Say yes, Tobias."</p><p>"Zoe, I Can't," she squeezes again and I freeze. "I will."</p><p>Her smile is devious as she finds her own release, I just let her go. I didn't touch her. And why would it matter, the stuff I have already done for Emilio, the people I have already killed, set on fire, and robbed. What did it matter setting Zoe free.</p><p>She stayed on me and something in her changed. "I got us a marriage license, when you came back I was going to marry you. Could forge our parents' signatures and just take it down to the courthouse. You came back to get me."</p><p>"I did, baby. I came back to get you no matter what." She lays on me and sobs, her whole body shaking the bed as she screams into the pillow. I rub her back.</p><p>"I can't stay here," she sniffles and lays on her back to stare at the ceiling. She looks at me and I roll over to lie between her legs. "Tobias."</p><p>"I love the way my name sounds on your tongue," I kiss her. Once. Twice. I don't care when she winces and neither does she when she grabs my head. "Say it once more."</p><p>"Tobias." She clings to me and I rest my head against her neck as I take her apart as slowly as I can. Even as she shakes apart underneath me and I want her to do it again.</p><p>The sun filters in through the sheer curtains and I roll out of bed to pad to the bathroom. I stare at myself in the mirror and it's like I changed overnight. I rub the stubble on my face and take a deep breath.</p><p>A plan already forming in my head on how to execute this plan. There's this girl that I met in the cafe, and she looks so much like Zoe.</p><p>She would have to play the perfect part for this. As for the girl, we'd invite her out. Zoe can go to her house and we can sneak her out. They can dress like alike and I can have my friends drive by. Make sure to fuck her up good so that she can't be anything but another pretty brunette gunned down. Another victim caught in the crossfire. Plant Zoe's ID on the body, or have her already have it.</p><p>I stare at my hands before I head out back to the bed. Zoe is still asleep and for once I worry if my father heard our discussion. If he could take one look at me and know what I am planning. What I'm going to do for this woman I love.</p><p>I dress and before leaving I place a kiss on her head, the door clicks shut behind me and I see that my father's bedroom door is open.</p><p>I hear the sink run and I head down the steps.</p><p>"Tobias." My father doesn't turn to me and he lifts a piece of paper off the counter. The marriage license is held between his fingers, that bastard went through… I paused remembering I tossed it on the coffee table where he probably thought it was mail. "Tobias, Tobias."</p><p>I stiffen and harden my face, my jaw clenches. "What."</p><p>"You're a child, you think I'm going to let you do this? Ruin your life for a whore? Do you think that once you give her everything she wants that she'll keep you around? No, son, she'll toss you aside for the next one to fulfill what she wants, and then she'll do it to him." He tosses the paper into the sink under the spray and I ball my fists up. I wanted to strike my father then and there. "Don't tie yourself down to people who just want to use you."</p><p>"This will be the last you see of me." I looked around the room, "I promise that."</p><p>"You will be welcome back when it doesn't work out for you." My father didn't look at me again.</p><p>"Go to hell." Is what I leave him with as I head back upstairs. I shake Zoe awake and she gets dressed with one look at my face. I take her hand as we head down the steps and she casts a glance at my father where he still stands in the kitchen.</p><p>"I have a plan, I don't want you to ask questions. Just do what I tell you to do. I need an outfit, something you would wear out. Leave the house in it. I also have something for you to do, I need you to plant something visible so when the cops come by they can take your siblings." I sigh, "and then you'll meet my friend Gabe, he'll hide you out at a motel. Just wait for me."</p><p>I told Zoe to give me three days, three days was longer than I needed but it gave Eric and Gabe to convince Emilio to let us have enough guns and ammo and other trades to have Zoe and I to plant around the house. It gave me an extra day to sneak in through her bedroom window via the fire escape to take her while she was alone, the screaming she did would let the neighbors know enough to believe her going out, and what she did. If they didn't already know. With what would be planted they'd think her a mule and not just a prostitute.</p><p>I came early the following day, right after she had sent her siblings off to their respective places, the ones in school and the one that stayed with a babysitter. I had her call the sitter about keeping all the children overnight. I guess it happened enough that it came as no surprise.</p><p>I only bring one of the duffels in but it would be enough to do the job for what is in it. I'm pulling out the white bricks when she flinches and I stare her down, "just say the word and I'll stop. I'll go and I'll leave you here." She violently shakes her head and points at the couch. "Needs to be obvious, baby." I kiss her in passing and then smile, I walk into the shared room of her two youngest siblings, one that's not of walking age just yet. I set two bricks in the top dresser drawer. I set two in Zoe and her other sibling's top drawer.</p><p>There was room, I told her to pack enough items but where that it wouldn't be noticed. Inconspicuous She follows me from room to room, there's seven bricks in total. Then I pull two guns from the duffel and place them and ammo on the coffee table. An assault rifle is propped near the door. I lean out her window and pull out the other duffel and zip it open I start tossing the bundles of money on the table, hundreds that equal one hundred thousand per stack. I stack some on the counter next to a brick and turn to her.</p><p>"Ready?"</p><p>She nods.</p><p>"You leave two hours before they get home okay?" I kiss her head and take the duffel she packed, before turning towards her. I set it out on the fire escape and she's already unbuttoning her jeans, a hungry look in her eyes.</p><p>"Two hours, and baby, when you wear that outfit," I eye the red dress that would be short enough and tight enough. "Make sure enough people see you to know that's your dress."</p><p>"I don't get why you're fixated on the dress. I would think with this, you'd want people to not see what is your's." I button my jeans up as she talks. "I'd also think for winter in Brooklyn you'd pick something warmer for me to wear to run away in." I smirk.</p><p>A final kiss to her lips and I'm out the window.</p><p>I toss the duffel into the back of this little blue truck I just bought, just for us. I let Gabe take it to where he needs to, and he's back not long after. "She was so confused when I had her change into some jeans and one of your shirts. But I gave Lauren the dress and they should be here for that good time."</p><p>My heart races, was I going to really do this? Then the image of Zoe's bruised body came back to mind.</p><p>We get into a car with no plates, guns ready. Eric is in the front and I'm in the back, Gabe slowly drives down the street. There's the red dress, on the sidewalk corner where Lauren was supposed to leave her to run into the restroom.</p><p>In reality as the girl stood there, Lauren was long gone back at the motel keeping Zoe company. The windows are down and on the mental count of three Eric and I point the barrel of our guns out the window and start firing. We hit the store fronts, glass shattering. We concentrate it more in the girl's direction, the sight of her being forced back by the gunfire. The sight of her broken body crumpling in on her as she goes lifeless. The blood that pools under her. The holes that made up her face now.</p><p>Gabe doesn't give us any more time.</p><p>Zoe hops up from the bed as we come through the door, the car was long gone. Abandoned and torched. I take her hand and pull her to me.</p><p>It bothered me that for a second I hesitated, that I thought it really was her in that dress.</p><p>Eric picks up the phone and makes an anonymous call to the police about the apartment and that there were drug traffickers staying there. He worded it so perfectly that it sounded like a scared neighbor afraid of being caught but wanting the children to not be harmed.</p><p>"Tobias? Baby? What happened?" Zoe kisses my cheek as we are on the way from Brooklyn to Chicago. She's tucked into my side as I go over the plan with her finally. Where I thought she would scream she didn't. Where I thought she'd be disgusted she wasn't.</p><p>"Welcome home!" I spin in a slow circle around the apartment I was staying at, the apartment that was now ours.</p><p>"Go to bed you've done nothing but drive for thirteen hours. Come on." We walk to bed, slowly stripping as we go.</p><p>She lets me take her apart softly then, whispering our love for each other with each kiss. She cries my name and it sounds like a prayer I had answered. God I love her</p><p>"Oh don't frown." She leans into me, "it was your plan. And look here we are, almost May and everything is going good."</p><p>She looks me up and down and stands on her toes, she stuffs something into my jacket pocket while she kisses my jaw. I nearly swallow my tongue when she takes my free hand to place it between her thighs. I'm even more aware of her panties she shoved into my jacket now. I pull away to finish my drink before throwing the bottle across the field.</p><p>She hands me her empty bottle and I do the same.</p><p>We laugh and I kick the kickstand up on the bike so we can walk a ways down the trail. "I never said it wasn't my idea. Also never complained about the fact that I can now have you when I want. I can roll over and take you. I can wake up and take you."</p><p>She hums and I stop. "I love you, Zoe."</p><p>"I love you too," she smiles as I throw a leg over the seat of my bike and nod for her to get on.</p><p>She grabs the lapels of my jacket pushing it down my arms, our lips join together and I deepen our kiss so she knows what I intend to do when we get home.</p><p>"I want to kiss you until I die." I whisper against her mouth and she swallows it in another kiss.</p><p>She pulls away and looks me in the eyes, "Promise me I'll be the only one allowed on the back of your bike."</p><p>She puts on my jacket and throws a leg over the back of the bike.</p><p>"I promise." I start it and she says a little louder.</p><p>"The only one that gets to wear your jacket, too!"</p><p>"You can keep it as long as you like, you look good in it!" I yell over the engine. No one would get to wear my jacket but her.</p><p>"And the only one that gets to have your last name."</p><p>I pull a hand up to kiss it. "Only you, Mrs. Eaton."</p><p>The name rolls off my tongue almost easily, almost. But it had only been a few months, we tied the knot not even far off from my birthday.</p><p>With a new last name no one would be looking for a Zoe Eaton anywhere.</p><p>It's early June when her birthday rolls around and I take her to a river out of the city limits. Summer weekends no one was really around to stay at the nearby campsite unless they were camping all week, but even then it was too small and most wanted to go to larger bodies of water for the Summer. We laugh as we skip stones and in the hot June sun I take her in the grass, her head tosses back and forth getting pollen in her hair from the flowers she's laying on. Grass clings to our skin, and I encourage her to grab my back the way I like.</p><p>"Happy Birthday to me," Zoe hums and I sit up reaching for my jacket.</p><p>"I got you a present, close your eyes." I take her wrist and clasp the chain together around her wrist. "Okay."</p><p>She smiles at the bracelet before fingering the charm, a simple silver heart on a simple silver chain.</p><p>"Kocham cię," I kiss her forehead and she smiles.</p><p>"Też cię kocham." She giggles around the little Polish she knows. "You know, if you go around speaking Polish to any of the other girls I may have to worry about your heart being stolen."</p><p>"That wouldn't happen." I kiss her deeply and she huffs when I pull away. "You're mine forever."</p><p>"I would like to go out more."</p><p>I pause and don't answer her.</p><p>"Tobias, only Eric, Lauren, and Gabe know who I am and what I am to you, everyone thinks I'm a friend or a sibling. And you don't correct them! Am I a dirty little secret, Four? Are you ashamed of me?, of what I used to do?"</p><p>I shake my head, "no how could you say that?"</p><p>"You're sort of acting like it, Tobias Eaton!" She turns from me and I frown and look at my hands.</p><p>"I put something in the locket for you."</p><p>"I want you to watch me," she smiles and I turn back to her, the smirk showing on my face.</p><p>"I'll watch you anytime you want." I open it, and a picture of us is in it. "I want you to have me near your heart when I have to leave. Also, I took my mother's jewelry box when I left for Chicago that first time. I have many other trinkets you could wear, hair combs and pins. Brooches and necklaces, if you wanted to?"</p><p>"Very much, I'm sure I'll enjoy them more than you can." She smiles wider and throws herself into my lap, arms wrapping around my neck. I grab her hair and twist it around my hand so I can pull it out of the way of her neck.</p><p>I pull the top of her dress over her shoulder and attach my lips to the flesh, my teeth digging in a little to leave a loving bruise.</p><p>"Tobias! What is this?" She holds up the scrapy cloth and then a very wicked gleam comes to her eyes. "Tobias."</p><p>The present box slides from her lap as she stands up and moves to the ottoman, and she sets the fabric next to her. She stares at me as she points a leg out, rolling the fabric in her hands to stick her foot in the tip. Without breaking eye contact she rolls it over her foot and up her leg. She does the same with the other before her hands go to the zipper on the back of her dress.</p><p>I watch as the black fabric pools on the floor when she stands up. She slides her underwear down to join the dress and her bra is tossed off to the side. The garter is wrapped around her waist and she stands in front of me.</p><p>Zoe places her leg against my thigh and presses down with it as I reach up to hook the clips onto the fabric on her thighs. "Good boy."</p><p>I hum and do the same for her other one, before grabbing her backside and pulling her to me. She moans my name as I taste her, my tongue and lips pulling every whimper and breathy sigh out of her. I don't stop her as she rocks into my face, nor do I stop her sliding onto my lap to rut against me.</p><p>She pulls back enough to slide a finger in her and I thrust one in too, "Only one you get to do this to. Only one you get to take apart."</p><p>"I promise." I seal it with a kiss and get up to carry her to our bed. "Merry Christmas."</p><p>I momentarily forget the other gift, the one I slip onto her finger as she sleeps, a kiss to her forehead I pull her close, knowing that she's who I want to spend my forever with.</p><p>We snuggle close under a blanket as the fireworks explode around us, the corndog in Zoe's hand goes half eaten before she holds it up to my lips. "Here since you keep staring at it. Take a bite." I bite into it and she squeals, "not all of it you ass!"</p><p>I smile behind my full mouth as she continues to laugh.</p><p>The fireworks explode around her as she rests her head against my shoulder, my cheek presses against her hair and I breathe in the scent of her. "I love you."</p><p>"I love you too." She wraps our fingers of one hand together, she plays with the ring on my ring finger and I smile wider. "I want you." Her voice is small and almost sad.</p><p>"Is everything okay?" I ask as she undoes my jeans to pull my cock.</p><p>I don't stop her as her hand wraps around me or as she takes me into her mouth. I lean back on my elbows as the fireworks continue to light up our little spot away from everyone. My body tenses and I spill down her throat. She moves away, wipes her mouth, and looks back at the sky like nothing just happened.</p><p>"Baby, what happened? Where did that come from?" I place a hand on her cheek to turn her face towards me. "Baby?"</p><p>"I honestly thought of running away if you didn't come back, Tobias. I honestly wanted to leave you the second we got to Chicago, because I was scared that you were just getting me out because I was in a terrible spot and you were so lonely. I wanted to leave, I was saving up money, the allowance you would give me, I was going to get my own apartment. I planned to do it after Christmas. But then I woke up with that fucking ring on my hand and I was so happy. I'm sad, but I am so fucking happy, Tobias. Baby, I thought I was a phase." She smiles and reaches up to stroke my cheek. "No matter what I want to stay with you, baby. I want us to have a life. I want us to be happy."</p><p>I kiss her then, ignoring the taste of me on her tongue. I kiss her as if she's the air I need in the water I'm drowning in. I kiss her like it'll be our last. Even though we had the rest of forever and a day.</p><p>She sits on my lap in the truck, I'm in her as she grabs my shirt and our lips never part for long. Our whispered promises of love and forever fill the cab. Zoe accidentally leans back and presses the horn. The honk almost echoes and we both laugh as she bounces on me harder. My hands help guide her from where they are on her hips, they slide around to cup her ass and I groan. "You have the best body I have ever seen."</p><p>"You have the best dick I've ever had." She whispers against my mouth.</p><p>"You're the tightest you've ever been," I pull her down on a particularly hard thrust of my own and she hits the horn again. And again. I feel her release, her mouth was open in a noiseless scream.</p><p>"You worry about my not loving you and just using you." I kiss her neck, between her breasts. "You worry so much. I knew I loved you the minute that you looked at me on that basketball court and hissed at me."</p><p>The bruise on my side aches, I'm sure that I have some broken ribs and it makes lifting my arms painful. I sit on a bench next to the basketball courts on the playground a few blocks from my house. The sandwich I made clenched between my fingers. The first bite was amazing, I wish I could remember exactly how my mother used to make food. My father didn't so I was stuck eating sandwiches that I could easily make.</p><p>I'd make her spaghetti and lasagna.</p><p>My mouth watered at the thought of my mother's food. Food I'd never get to taste again because she left, left us…</p><p>Left me. How dare she leave me?</p><p>My side continued to sting and I bent a little in two, the sandwich being squished in one hand.</p><p>"Are you okay?" The little girl voice is next to my head and I look up at the most beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen. "You know if you have an upset stomach you're not supposed to be eating? You're supposed to let it rest."</p><p>Her smile is bright and her eyes are on my sandwich. Hungry.</p><p>I tear it in two and hand her the bigger half, one that doesn't have the bite taken out of it. She accepts it and sits next to me eating. "How old are you?"</p><p>"I'm thirteen. You?"</p><p>"I'll be thirteen in June." She smiles, bread stuck in her teeth.</p><p>"Mine was last week." I shrug, my father had forgotten it just to remember in time to whip my back with his belt and then lock me in the storage under the stairs. I get a little mad at the thought again of my mother leaving me here again.</p><p>"Do you have it too?" The girl leans close and whispers, she throws her crust away and a woman yells at her. She stands up and waves at me before walking over to the woman. It's like something shifted in the girl when the woman had yelled.</p><p>It was like something died. Like storm clouds had blocked out the sun of her life.</p><p>I sit in my storage, my ribs still hurting as I finger my broken nose. The crookedness of it makes my stomach roll. I take a deep breath and one… two.. Three.</p><p>I grit my teeth as I shove it back into place. I curl up against the wall and wrap my arms around my knees. I dream of dark brown eyes and a bright smile. I dream of my mother and a life away from my father.</p><p>I'm sitting, peanut butter and jelly in my lap cut into two pieces, on the bench waiting for… well… for the girl. It was silly to think that she would show up again, New York let alone Brooklyn had a bunch of children in it and there was no way I'd meet her again.</p><p>I came back for a full week, each day I brought a sandwich cut in two.</p><p>It was the following week I was wearing a jacket because of the light snow coming down. I didn't have a sandwich today, father had "forgotten" to go to the store but he ate at a hot dog place before he got home from work late. Then he was gone before I even work up.</p><p>My stomach growls and I clench my teeth against the burn of my side.</p><p>"So you do have it too?"</p><p>My head jerks up to stare at those brown eyes. She's standing there smiling, hair pulled back into a ponytail, a bruise colors her jaw.</p><p>"Have what?"</p><p>"A monster." She carefully touches a black eye from my nose. "I'm Zoe."</p><p>"Tobias," the smile that splits my face is hopefully bright.</p><p>"What do they say at school?"</p><p>"I'm homeschooled." If you could call it homeschooled, I read the books I took from my father's study and looked up words in the dictionary. I wrote the passages and rearranged words to create new sentences. I learned math on my own, too. I also snuck out some days to go to the library and look at their books, if I could hide the bruises better.</p><p>We struck up a funny friendship after that. We would take turns bringing lunch to share and she would bring her school books so I could learn my history and math with her. It ended up with me helping her, I seemed to be more advanced than she was. Or I was just a quick learner that retained everything better.</p><p>The year went faster than anything, time passing when I spent my days longing to see my friend. It was well past sunset when I snuck out, it was winter again Christmas when I stood on the snow covered basketball court. The package in my hand, the paper crinkling as I fidget.</p><p>"Tobias, To," she wraps her arms around me. "Bias!"</p><p>"I got you something!" I turn, pulling away out of her grip, my heart pounding wildly.</p><p>She takes the present and frowns. "I don't have anything for you."</p><p>I shrug, not caring. "Open it?"</p><p>She smiles again and lifts up, and kissed my cheek. "Okay, thank you."</p><p>My palms get sweaty as she pulls the bow undone, the tearing of the paper is loud. I watch as her breath catches and then leaves all at once in a puff of steam. I see her breathe my name, I don't hear it but I swear the breath coming out of her reads Tobias.</p><p>She picks up the locket and her eyes go to me. "It's beautiful. Thank you."</p><p>I smiled and motioned for her to turn around so I can lock the clasp into place.</p><p>The kiss she gives my cheek is warmer than the last.</p><p>"It's a wonderful Christmas gift."</p><p>"It's a goodbye gift." I finally tell her, the plan I have been cooking up. "I'm leaving, as soon as I turned fourteen. I have to find my mom."</p><p>She nods, a sad look on her face. "Where is your dad moving you to?"</p><p>"No just me." I breathe out and watch my breath spread out, "I'm sorry, I'll be back."</p><p>Her head starts shaking and she slowly backs up before turning to leave, not another word spoken to me.</p><p>That was the last I saw her before I left, I went back everyday and she never showed up. I packed a bag full of clothes and snuck on the back of a car leaving Brooklyn. I hitchhiked until no one would take me any farther than outside of Illinois.</p><p>I was trying to get anyone to give me a ride, I know Illianois was where my mother went, I would find her. I had to see her again, she couldn't be dead like my father had told me. I'm asking for coins to get something from a gas station, anything to eat when a nice car pulls up and an expensive looking man gets out. A wicked idea pops into my mind, as he is standing to pay for gas I sneak up behind him, his wallet is hanging out and I finger the leather, it's almost out of his pocket when his hand slaps down on it and he turns, eyes looking me over.</p><p>"Are you hungry?" Is all he says.</p><p>My fingers tighten on the chains it's Zoe's birthday and with a note slipped into her mail I hope that she shows up.</p><p>"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes." She places a hand against my shoulder, her hair is loosely pulled back. Puberty has done her wonders as I can't stop staring as how the childish features of her face are turning into features of adolescence.</p><p>"Hi." I stand up and she takes a step back.</p><p>"Well look at you the bean sprout has grown." She chuckles as her head tilts back.</p><p>I finger the chain around her neck and pull it up, the locket.</p><p>"Still wearing that?"</p><p>She is quiet and we just stand there, I pull a pack out of my jacket pocket and take a cigarette between my lips before sticking the pack back in my pocket. I light it and stuff the zippo in my jeans pocket.</p><p>Her eyes are wide.</p><p>"What happened to you?" She fingers a scar on my chin and I smile around the cigarette.</p><p>I blow out a trail of smoke, "job gets a little rough. I work for a mob boss in Chicago. Kept me from starving, and the pay is good."</p><p>Her hand snaps to her chest and she's quiet. "I have to go."</p><p>I place my hand on her shoulder.</p><p>"You've been gone for more than a year Tobias," she turns away to stare at the street. The passing cars. "And to come back like nothing happened, like we are still friends. Then to say I work in the mob like that's fucking good?"</p><p>My mouth pops open, speechless.</p><p>"And you left me here! You're off getting everything you wanted! And I'm still here!" Her fists ball up together against her chest as she shakes. Tears stream down her face and she starts to walk away.</p><p>"You can't go," I spin her towards me and her hand whips out and slaps me across my cheek.</p><p>I hold my stinging cheek as she grits her teeth and hisses, "just watch me!"</p><p>I stare at her and I feel a tightening of my jeans. Oh fuck. Fuck. I grab her face and pull her to me, letting my lips slot against hers. She moans and grabs my face. Our lips move against each other as she presses against me.</p><p>"Tobias."</p><p>"Zoe?" We share a look before I grab her hand and dragged her towards the road.</p><p>"Where are we going?" She looks around and I shrug off my jacket and handed it to her. I swing my leg over a motorcycle and smile at her, holding my hand out. She eyes the bike before taking my hand. "Tobias?"</p><p>She wraps her hands around me tight as I start and pull out onto the street. She clenched tighter as I take turns and find what I'm looking for.</p><p>We eye the hotel. "You can say no."</p><p>"Take me inside."</p><p>I pay for the room glad that I look a little older than what I should look, that or the guy behind the counter really just doesn't care. I take the key from him and her hand in my other. We climb the stairs to the floor we need. She seems small in my jacket.</p><p>"You can say no."</p><p>Her arms wrap around my neck as she claims my mouth, my hand twists the key in the lock before I pick her up with one arm and carry her in. Her lips move down to my neck to lick my jaw and kiss every bit of skin she can. I set her on the couch and kneel, resting between her legs my hands work my jacket off her before I toss it to the floor. I pull at her shorts and her underwear follow. Her hand runs through my hair as I lean forward and put my mouth to her. That first gasp was everything, that first swipe of my tongue made my blood boil. I pull away to look up at her and her hands twist in the hem of her shirt.</p><p>"Take yours off." She commands in a small voice, I pull my shirt off and duck back down.</p><p>I kiss her as I stand back up over her, my hands shakily undo my jeans before I pull her onto me. I take her apart more than once, her nails digging into the skin of my back. At some point we make it to bed where I collapse against her.</p><p>"You should probably be put on something." I rub my forehead between her breasts. "Just in case."</p><p>"I already am." She whispers and I look up.</p><p>"Not your first time?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>The response was so quiet, so small that I was already connecting the dots and the bruises on her. The murderous rage that fills my stomach is instant.</p><p>Her hand slides down over my eyes.</p><p>"I'll kill them."</p><p>"Don't" I lean up over her, letting that word sink in before, with my eyes still covered, I lean down to kiss her deeply.</p><p>"Run away with me?"</p><p>"My siblings." She wraps her arms and her legs around me and I groan.</p><p>I know I;m alone before my eyes even open. I know I have my answer before I'm even up. I'm alone in the hotel room, my heart aches and I know what it was. I was in love.</p><p>"Fuck." I groan as I fall back on the bed.</p><p>She's quiet next to me at the table, the food we cooked left untouched on her plate. I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb as I take it in my own hand.</p><p>"Zoe?"</p><p>"How long will you be gone?" She seems far away.</p><p>"A week. Then I'll be back." It was a rule, I never talked about my job, never talked about what I exactly did or what I was going to do. She nodded, not once looking at me. She demanded I take her from the back that night.</p><p>"Can you not look at me?" I whisper into her hair and she doesn't turn to me or anything. She's silent for the rest of the night, her small shakes only giving away to her crying.</p><p>I duck at the pan comes flying at me, the bacon and grease hitting the floor and the wall. A few drops burn the skin on my arms. Zoe is huffing, her head turns and she grabbed the pack of raw bacon to throw it at me followed by the pan that had a half cooked pancake. Each item a weapon that she throws at me. I move out of the way every time.</p><p>"Are you crazy? Zoe, we have neighbors." My hands go up as she throws the bowl with the pancake batter in it. It coats my chest, splashes up on my face and hair. She grabs the carton of eggs and throws them too, they crack against my legs, the plates shatter around me.</p><p>"You fucking liar!" She screams as she looks for more to aim at me.</p><p>I make my move to grab her, she twists in my arms, my chest pressed to her back. Her foot comes up behind her and kicks me hard. I drop her to cover myself, the pained groan forcing its way out behind my lips.</p><p>Deep breaths.</p><p>Zoe turns to leave, I scramble to get her as she throws open a suitcase and starts throwing clothes into it. Her face is wet and I shut the door behind me.</p><p>She turns at the click of the lock. "Zoe." I hold my hands up and she's screaming again launching herself at me, her fists balled up and pounding my chest.</p><p>"You dirty fucking cheating liar!" She repeats over and over until her screams turn to sobs and her hands drop. She rests her head against my chest and cries. I wrap my arms around her, confused.</p><p>"What are you talking about, my love?"</p><p>"Your secret girlfriend, Tobias! Is that why you are still shady about calling me your wife?" She mumbled into the fabric of my shirt and I pull her away to look at her, her face is covered in batter. "The one that I saw kiss you."</p><p>"Rebecca?" I blow out air and she hits my chest again, a new anger in her. "Listen. Listen!" I grab both of her fists in mine and force her to stop. "Rebecca is a friend. She gets drunk and likes to forget her girlfriend she keeps breaking up with. She kisses everyone, a kiss is all it was. A kiss is all it will ever be. I told her that it wasn't okay because I have you. I am not doing anything behind your back, and I never will."</p><p>I wipe a tear away, batter smears and she scrunches up her face, looking every bit the twelve year old I met almost four years ago. "Promise?"</p><p>"Promise." I kiss her, hands stripping her of her ruined clothes. "Take a bath, or a shower. I'll be cleaning up the kitchen."</p><p>I don't leave until I hear the water run, I sweep up most of the glass and ruined food. I mop the rest up, only cutting myself twice. I sigh at the bend pan and I'm thankful that she didn't go for any of the sharp objects.</p><p>"Baby?" I turn and she's wrapped in a towel, hair dripping everywhere. "Come, let's get you clean." I take her hand and let her take care of me in the shower, physically in every way. We don't move the clothes she had tossed on the bed as I push her up the bed with each thrust. "You are a liar Tobias Eaton. A liar I love, but a liar nonetheless." She pulls me close and her legs lock me into place. "You have this quirk in your jaw when you lie, a little tick. It's subtle but when people start looking for it, it becomes obvious."</p><p>"I want you to know the truth, nothing is happening between me and Rebecca. I love you."</p><p>Eric and I transport money and drugs over state lines to a friend of Emilio's, it took less than a week. While I was out I knew Christmas was going to be coming up in a few weeks. The cold air chilled me to the bone as I looked into a shop window, eyeing a beautiful set of jeweled hair combs.</p><p>After a talk with the shop owner and I finger the turquoise stones, my heart flutters. I hold the wrapped gift inside my jacket so I can put it up away from Zoe. She was out with Shauna, the two of them having classes until late.</p><p>I wrap the gift and place it under the tree, my smile is bright as she walks through the door, arms wrapped around a few bags, the color drains from her face. "Oh. you're home."</p><p>"Don't sound so excited." I stand up from the couch, the radio softly playing in the background. She shifts from foot to foot.</p><p>"Close your eyes!" She finally snaps and I do as I'm told, I hear her shuffle to the bedroom before the door snicks shut. I sit back on the couch and stare at the twinkling lights of the tree, the door opens and she kisses the top of my head in passing to place wrapped presents under the tree. Her bathrobe is loosely tied in the front to let it slip down one shoulder and I nearly swallow my tongue.</p><p>There's fresh ink on her side next to her left breast. A bird resting on the thorny stem of a rose. The stem seems to connect with the underside of her breast.</p><p>"You like?"</p><p>"Very."</p><p>She turns in circles letting the robe fall down her back and there under her shoulder is one outline of a bird in flight under her right shoulder. A T is in it.</p><p>"You'll have to be careful as it heals."</p><p>Her smile is everything. "No you'll need to be careful."</p><p>Christmas passes and so does my birthday, I'm gone more than I am home.</p><p>I cling to Zoe on the couch as we watch a black and white flickering image on the television, one late April. "You got a letter today, baby." her hand feels against the side table before she hands me the sealed white rectangle, the return address just says Rockford, IL. I frown, who do I know from there.</p><p>I open it and nearly drop the paper, my mother's neat handwriting scrawls across the page. As if written quickly, almost like she didn't give herself time to think about writing it out, for fear of changing her mind. Zoe's head fits into the crook of my neck as I read the letter out loud.</p><p>"Dear Tobias, I have heard from a friend back in Brooklyn that you have run away. You don't know how many times I have wanted to write you. How many pages I have thrown away, what am I supposed to say? I don't think you'll accept an 'I'm Sorry' and why should you? I left you, I left you with your father. I ask that after this letter you burn it and forget about looking for me. I love you, but I have heard of the life you have led, word does travel fast from people I know."</p><p>My hands start shaking and Zoe places a calming hand on my arm as she continues for me, "I've also heard that you took a beautiful young woman as a wife and I would wish one day to meet her. But I feel that after everything it would be too much. As I am also not ready. Though I do wish you waited to get married, sixteen was too young. You'll spend you live wishing to get out, not just you. But some people make it work and I hope that you two do. Love, Your dearest mother." the next part she stumbles over and I smile.</p><p>"Mio caro figlio. Sempre il mio bambino." I take the letter and fold it back up, tucking it into the envelope. "It's what she would say to me every night."</p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry." Her voice holds a level of hurt. "She doesn't approve."</p><p>"She doesn't know you." My lips slot over hers and she smiles into the kiss. "I'll be with you forever."</p><p>It was a lie, I only waited a few weeks, not even that before I told Zoe that Emilio had a secret project I really needed to be a part of. I knew she couldn't say no.</p><p>"How long will you be gone this time?"</p><p>I pause out the door, I look at her, "I don't know." It's not a lie, I don't know how long I'll be.</p><p>Rockford is everything I thought it would be for a "small" town, Eric hated it with everything in him. What I wasn't expecting was the pretty fiery blonde that called to me.</p><p>"Are you going?"</p><p>I hum and look down at where Zoe is laying against my chest. Her fingers draw shapes on my skin and I relax.</p><p>"To find your mother?"</p><p>"No." I move the lit cigarette to my mouth. Our legs are tangled as she rests on top of me on the couch. She sighs.</p><p>"I'm worried about you. You should cut back on smoking. Really."</p><p>My smile almost splits my face in two. "Why?"</p><p>She kisses my chest, hand sliding under the waistband of my sweats, "I don't want you to die on me so soon."</p><p>"I won't"</p><p>I whistle as I toss my keys on the counter, home after being in Rockford for a few weeks, she would be delighted to know that I was home two days earlier than what I told her on the phone. I turn to the bedroom doorway and notice the bathroom light is on, I poke my head in and my blood runs cold. Zoe is on the floor passed out.</p><p>My friends are in and out of the hospital room, Zoe never looks at any of them. Never speaks she just lays there. It's our third day when she looks at me, where I'm laying on the couch.</p><p>"Tobias, do you hate me?"</p><p>"No, baby. Why?" I smile at her, sitting up to be near her.</p><p>"I couldn't do it." She just says, and I wait for her to continue. "I had to take care of it."</p><p>I think back to the small amount of blood she had on her pants, how the doctor said she was lucky not to have any lasting damage.</p><p>"Take care of?" I start putting it together but I wanted her to say it, I needed to hear it from her.</p><p>Her lower lip wobbles, "I can't give you that. Not yet. I had to do it, please understand."</p><p>I slowly get up, my fists clenching and unclenching. "Say it."</p><p>"I didn't want a baby, Tobias. The medicine was supposed to take care of it but it wasn't supposed to do all this. Just some bleeding." She turns away, "I didn't want a baby!"</p><p>I leave, letting her spend the night alone.</p><p>Days pass and we are pussyfooting around each other, I started sleeping on the couch when it hit me that I had an apartment I could stay at.</p><p>I tell Zoe that I need to leave, nothing more than that or less. We've been growing apart, I know I shouldn't feel that she didn't have a choice, just as her husband I should have had a say in the matter. I should have been there to help her decide so she didn't do it alone. What difference did the two days to wait for me would have made? She only frowned, she didn't get out of bed to wish me luck or to kiss me goodbye. I didn't know what to say, I apologized and explained why I was upset. If she wanted it done I would have spent the money to help so it was safe. I also explained that I was upset because I would have loved a child with her.</p><p>She only stared at the kitchen wall and whispered, "I don't want children, Tobias."</p><p>I grab my duffel and she sits up in bed, we share a look before I turn to leave. As long as she thought I was still looking for my mother, she wouldn't know about the apartment I was renting.</p><p>I stopped by MAx's to let them know I was going back to Rockford.</p><p>Eric had even grown increasingly hostile, Max being his neutral self, Tori tried to be but once Gabe had let it loose about the blonde in Rockford everyone had questions, questions that left Eric even more hostile towards everyone.</p><p>"What are you doing?" He has his arm pressed to my throat in Max's living room, Harrison is trying to talk him down, Bud has a hand on Eric's chest to pull him away. "What the fuck are you doing to either of those girls?"</p><p>"Tris is a friend," I bare my teeth at him, ignoring how it pained me to tell her that if I wanted sex I'd go somewhere else. The dejected look in her eyes. While it was true if I wanted sex I'd go home to my wife.</p><p>"It better stay that way. I know what you think when you look at her, that she's just like Zoe. The Zoe you created in your mind." Eric frowns, he starts to remove his arm before spitting out, "and I'll do my damnedest to scare her away."</p><p>I bare my teeth, "you fucking bastard."</p><p>I kiss Zoe's head as she sleeps softly in bed still, the sun starting to rise. I stare at my mother's jewelry box I have sitting on top of the dresser. I pick it up and add it to my stuff before swiping the locket and bracelet off the dresser too.</p><p>She hasn't worn either in so long.</p><p>I doubt she would notice, and if so she wouldn't know where they were going.</p><p>The phone call proved otherwise.</p><p>"Tobias, have you seen my locket?"</p><p>I pause, mouth against the receiver before answering, the locket burning a hole into my pocket. "I took it in to get fixed, I assumed the chain was why you weren't wearing it." While the truth the clasp on the chain was broken and needed fixed, and while I did get it fixed, the next part was a total lie. "And I went in and the jeweler said that it was lost. That they had an employee steal multiple pieces. I'm sorry baby, I'll buy you another one."</p><p>"But I liked that one. I wear it all the time." My brow furrows at her words, she hasn't worn the locket for a while now. She had not touched it since then.</p><p>I knocked on the front door to the white house, I'm let in by Natalie, who is covered in paint. "Oh come in sweetheart. Tris is upstairs." She takes the paint brush back outside and I head up the stairs, I go to knock on the door when I hear it. A low moan.</p><p>There's a groan, then a muffled moan. A knock like someone had hit the other side of the door, it hit me what was going on and I leaned my forehead against the door. Tris' panting on the other side of the door made me want to knock. Made me want to open the door and take her right there.</p><p>I'm pulled out of my fantasy as footsteps sound on the stairs, Al appears and I lean against the wall, Tris lets out an audible moan and he pales, casts one look at me then quickly turns. I sigh and follow him down.</p><p>It's a few weeks later when after Tris had ignored me for Rebecca coming over, that I realized I missed the company of the blonde.</p><p>I was longing for a relationship again, one unlike the one that Zoe and I had.</p><p>There was a knock on my door and I opened it, sticking my head out and I flinched. Zoe had a scarf wrapped around her hair, "Gabe told me you were here. That you are still looking for your mother." She doesn't seem angry, instead she wraps her arms around my torso, "I wanted to spend the week with you, I could help you find your mother."</p><p>I duck to kiss the top of her head and pull her in, I feel her stiffen and she lets go of me to walk over to the table and pick up a bra. The look in her eyes is accusatory, the fabric hangs from a finger and I sigh before launching into the tale of one Beatrice Prior and Jack Kang. Zoe covers her mouth and leans forward, "but she's okay? Like he didn't?"</p><p>"No, no. But Rebecca came over and made a fool of herself. It seems they broke up again." I sat on the couch and rub my temples with my thumbs. "So if she comes by you can yell at her."</p><p>I showed her around town on the back of the bike, and it was as if nothing had changed. "What happened to your jacket?" She asked when I stopped at a gas station for gas, she stood near the window to let Rebecca see her, the tall blonde had frowned before eyeing me up with a small smirk.</p><p>I went in for a pack of cigarettes and when she handed them to me I leaned a little towards her, "don't."</p><p>"Don't what, Four?" Rebecca bats her eyes, "tell her about your hard on for that school girl you like?"</p><p>"If you mention Tris to Zoe, or Zoe to Tris I will gut you. And I think we both know I am capable of doing that." I hiss quietly at her and Rebecca goes pale. "I'll tell Zoe that we fucked."</p><p>"I already told her." I set money down and take the pack of cigarettes, Rebecca turns pink in the cheeks. Zoe stayed for a few weeks and each night she would make love to me and promise her I wouldn't find anyone else. I promised her every time.</p><p>It was the day that Zoe was supposed to be leaving and I was on the way to the store to pick up stuff for Panna Cotta when I see Tris stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, her friend Christina walking around her, both of them looked worried.</p><p>I ask if they're okay and Tris can't meet my eyes until I look down and see a trail of blood running down her leg, "you're bleeding." I didn't mean for it to come out shocked and harsh but it does.</p><p>I lend her my thin jacket to cover up with and head to the store. I get the things I need and stop in the proper aisle. I ignore the sniggers from a few teenage boys and I turn around, smile, and hold up my hand with my ring on it. Then I halted, I always took my ring off when around Tris.</p><p>I couldn't kiss Zoe when I got home, I realized I was keeping her a secret but not out of love for her. Was it love? Or was it the need to get out of bad situations, the both of us.</p><p>"Tobias?" Zoe thumbs my bottom lip as I smile at her from the kitchen chair, my busted lip stinging.</p><p>"Got a little too rough on this trip." She kisses the bridge of my nose.</p><p>"How about I cook and you go take a bath?" She smiles at me and I kiss her hand.</p><p>I'm sitting in the bath, head resting against the wall when she walks through the door and leans against the door jam.</p><p>"May I join you, birthday boy?" She drops my shirt that she is wearing, the locket resting between her breasts.</p><p>She sits on my lap in the tub and I run the rag over her legs before moving just my fingers to touch her. Her head rests on my shoulder as I continue to work her.</p><p>I'm dancing around with her in the living room, her in one of my shirts and me in pants. "There is always someone for each of us, they say. And you'll be my someone forever and a day. I could search the whole world over until my life is through, but I know I'll never find another you." I sing to the song playing on our record player. "It's a long, long journey so stay by my side. When I walk through the storm you'll be my guide, be my guide."</p><p>I kiss her long and hard. "I love you, Zoe."</p><p>She looks at me, eyes searching my face before sadly sighing. "One day you won't."</p><p>"That's not true."</p><p>She kisses me, "Tobias, when you are no longer broken and I'm no longer useful you won't want me."</p><p>Zoe's voice rings in my head as I make the stupid comment, we were being so open. It was a thought that persistently popped in my mind. I wanted her. I wanted Tris more than I ever wanted Zoe. I didn't say anything when my back hit that wall and Tris kissed me, I kissed her back pouring every feeling I had for her into it. I wanted Tris like no other, and it hit me. A low blow. A punch to the stomach, I didn't love Zoe. I loved an idea of her and that Eric was right.</p><p>Zeke even told me as much after he met Tris, I had to tell them about each other. And I had a choice to make.</p><p>A choice that was easily made for me, I had gone back for a visit sometime between Christmas and New Years to take care of Jack Kang when I visited the apartment, and it was quiet. The envelope on the table seemed wrong, and I knew what it was when I saw her ring. A ring I put back in the box in my drawer.</p><p>"Are you going to tell Tris about Zoe at all?" Zeke pats my back as I got a letter addressed to me.</p><p>"What is there to tell?"</p><p>"Well what are we supposed to do when you bring her up here for her birthday?" Zeke stretches and Eric is leaning against the back of the house.</p><p>"Act like Zoe never existed." I hand Zeke the letter. The divorce was final by death of spouse, a certificate that I'd have to fill out at the courthouse. I had gotten a phone call earlier that week about how Zoe had died in a car accident. "I should not feel anything, but I feel everything. I didn't not love her like I thought I did."</p>
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